


If The World Was Ending...

by draymckay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BAMF Draco Malfoy, BAMF Hermione Granger, Blood and Violence, Dark Magic, Death Eater Draco Malfoy, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Graphic Description of Corpses, Horcruxes, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Sad Hermione Granger, Spies, This will get dark, Torture, Violence, Wizarding Wars (Harry Potter), ask about triggers, just be safe guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23119108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draymckay/pseuds/draymckay
Summary: The war takes a toll on everyone.You see the unimaginable, do the unthinkable, and hope to come out unscathed.Hermione Granger wasn't sure if she'd rather survive it or die on the battlefield.Draco Malfoy had always counted on dying, but a certain witch makes him want to live.A story in which enemies from opposing sides find refuge within each other and see the world in a very different light.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 56
Kudos: 56





	1. Mercury

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all!
> 
> I had taken some time off from writing, but I'm back and with my first ever Harry Potter universe fic, so please, be gentle. I don't have a BETA, so all mistakes are my own. 
> 
> The first chapter is the shortest. I wanted to establish some backstory without jumping head first into disaster. The story starts out slow, but gains momentum the further it goes. The title is for the song Mercury by Sleeping at Last. 
> 
> This fic will be dark in places. I don't wish to post spoilers, but if you're worried over any of the tags (or any unlisted tags to avoid spoilers) please feel free to ask. Your well-being is first priority. 
> 
> As for updates, they will be weekly. Most likely being Fridays. I do have the first few chapters written and the rest is outlined out, so don't worry, this fic will be completed. Don't let the WIP scare you. (: 
> 
> With that being said, happy reading!  
> <3
> 
> **I do not own any characters within. These characters are property of JK Rowling, I'm simply borrowing them. Also, I make no profit from this story, it's just for a creative outlet.**

War.

It doesn't discriminate between the good and the bad, or the sinners and saints. The casualties pile up relentlessly on both sides no matter how hard you try to save them. The most you can do is hope to come out on the other side of it alive, but even that seems a fate worse than death sometimes. Hermione wasn't sure which she'd prefer: surviving the war with all the guilt she's compiled or just dying for the cause.

It had been months since Dumbledore's death-marking the true start of Voldemort's return. Hermione had shivered when she heard the news. It was the omen of all the bad things to come. Slowly, things started to escalate from there. First, you would hear of muggleborns and their families slowly disappearing or being found dead. Everyone knew it had something to do with the Death Eaters, but the Ministry had fallen and the Order had to exhaust resources on more important matters-or so Hermione was told. _A pity_ , she thought, _that they weigh some lives more important than others. Not much different than the ideals of Voldemort._

Next, members of the Order were being abducted in the streets or in their homes, taken to Death Eater camps to be tortured for intel. That's when things started to change. Hermione could feel the shift in the air that bad things were coming. She never believed in Divination, but at that moment, she hadn't been too sure Trelawney hadn't been onto something with her whole 'death and despair' outbursts. 

It wasn't for a while before things were truly bad, though. The day she found out they were going into hiding she knew that there wasn't much chance getting out unscathed. She packed her bag she had charmed with an undetectable extending charm. It was full of potions, books, healing salves, ingredients, and a few changes of clothes. She just hoped it was all enough. She hoped it was all worth it. 

The very same day, she made one of the hardest decisions she had made in her life up until that point. Her parents weren't going to be safe if the Death Eaters came looking for her. She had tried to shield them from how bad the war really was and how big of a part she truly played, but she couldn't keep them safe while she was away. They wouldn't even be prepared to know exactly what they were up against. So, she slipped quietly into the living room where they were both sitting with their backs to her, and she whispered the hardest word she had ever spoken: _Oblivate._

And just like that, all her parents' memories of her were gone. 

That had been a week ago and she hadn't stopped thinking about it since. Every time someone from the Order would be listening to the underground radio, she'd pray her parents' names weren't listed among the dead or missing. She hadn't told anyone what she had done. There was no point. Everyone was so focused on defeating Voldemort and keeping Harry safe that she wasn't entirely sure that they'd even listen. Not that they didn't care, it just wasn't a matter of importance. 

She wanted to be thankful that she was in a safe house with some members of the Order and her friends, but being confined to Grimmauld Place made her feel more isolated than she had ever been. She wanted to be able to rid herself of guilt and fight for them, but with every passing day, her will lessened. For the first time since she met Harry, she worried they wouldn't be enough to win. Maybe they really had just been lucky. 

"Everything alright, Hermione?" asked Harry from the doorway. She hadn't even heard him walking up the hall to her room. 

"I suppose," she smiled weakly, looking up from a book. "I'm just trying to do some more research. You know me."

In truth, she hadn't even read the first page. The longer she stared at the pages the more the words would blend together and her mind would drift. She needed to get out of Grimmauld Place. She needed a break. 

"You know you can talk to me, right?" he asked. "I know there's a lot going on right now, but you're my family. You're first to me."

"Thank you, Harry. I'll be fine."

That was the first of many lies she'd have to tell. 

She waited until Harry had left the room before she let herself collapse backward onto the bed. She missed the days when she could read and let her mind focus elsewhere. She missed being able to go out and walk through Diagon Alley or collect supplies without worry of being captured. She felt as if her every move was being calculated and in truth, it probably was. The only familiarity she had now was her bed, so she laid there until she couldn't see through the tears anymore.

A few hours later she had finally had enough. She tossed and turned the majority of the time, praying for sleep yet it never came. She walked over to the window and stared outside at the sleeping street below. It was well past midnight and most of the street was dark aside from a few flickering lampposts. The stars were shining brightly overhead, reminding her of the enchanted ceilings at Hogwarts. She longed for those days back. She longed for freedom. 

She was tired of being held hostage for the cause. It may have only been a week since she was locked inside the walls of Grimmauld Place, but her heart had been hostage to this cause from the day Harry and Ron saved her from that damned troll in the bathroom first year. They fought together side by side more times than she could count since then and she would continue to do so until her dying breath. She didn't want to lose herself in the process, but maybe that was being too selfish.

So, she made the split decision to go outside. Everyone in the house was asleep, so leaving would be easy enough. It was late enough that it was unlikely she'd run into anyone and she'd only walk around the block and back. The risk of danger was low and she just needed some fresh air. In the unlikely case there were to be someone out, she whispered a few disillusion spells to disguise herself so she'd at least be able to buy some time to get away. She would be back before anyone knew she was gone. 

She quietly tip toed her way down the stairs, trying to avoid any of the creaky ones the best she could and made her way safely out of the front door. She took a quick look around to make sure no one had spotted her leaving the house. Even though it was under a Fidelus Charm, she didn't want to be the reason the whole safe house was compromised. 

The night air felt cold against her skin, but for the first time in a long time, it made her feel alive. The chills forming on her body proved as much. She walked down the street until she finally reached the end where a small park was located. It was mostly run down, the children's play equipment was rusted with flakes of paint falling off. She noticed a small bench next to the jungle gym and took a seat. She tilted her head back to watch the stars. They reminded her of a quote her father had read her once by Van Gogh, _'I know nothing with any certainty but the sight of the stars makes me dream.'_

She felt the same way. When she looked at the stars it gave her hope, even if for a fleeting moment that things would be okay. Maybe they would win the war, defeat Voldemort, and live happily ever after. She felt the corners of her lips turn up into a small smile. 

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the Golden Girl herself all alone."


	2. Innocence Is Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!  
> Chapter two is officially here!
> 
> I'd like to point out just a few things:   
> 1\. Some events/potions/spells are my own and may not exactly line up with the books. I had to do some changing to fit MY story.   
> 2\. Even though I'm posting this chapter early, I will most likely stick to the Friday schedule. Sometimes I may have extra time/inspiration strike and we'll see an early chapter posting, but if not, expect something every Friday.   
> 3\. This chapter title comes from The End by Mayday Parade. 
> 
> Alright, I think that's all.
> 
> Enjoy!<3<3

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the Golden Girl herself all alone."

Hermione felt her blood run cold. She checked her disillusion spells and they were holding, so nobody should have been able to tell it was her. Hesitantly, she turned around to be met with cold, gray eyes, standing behind her. 

_Draco Malfoy._

She hoped he couldn't tell it was her and was only guessing. Maybe he was really good at sensing glamour work. Either way, she knew she had to get back to the safe house and soon--he longer she was with him the risk of her capture escalated. 

"I'm sorry, sir. You must be mistaken I-" but she was cut off almost immediately.

"Seriously, Granger, do you take me for a fool? I've been a practiced Legilimens for years. I _know_ it's you. Your thoughts practically screamed it at me. They're not as quiet as you may think." He walked around the side of the bench and sat down beside her. "You might want to work on that."

"What do you want, Malfoy?" 

"Oh, nothing. I was just on duty and could feel the pulse of magic so I followed it-and as luck would have it, I found the Gryffindor princess sitting all alone in the dark. I imagine the Dark Lord will be interested to hear you're alive and well," he smirked and slipped his wand from his holster and removed the spells off Hermione.

She refused to look scared, even if she was certain he could hear her heart pounding. She wouldn't give in that easily and certainly not to Malfoy of all people. "That's it, then? If you're going to hand me over let's just get it done with. Without my glamours I may as well be a walking target anyway. Any of your Death Eater friends could be lurking by. You may as well be the one to do it. Merlin knows you'd love to bask in the glory."

"Hmm, I never took you for the martyr type. Tell me, Granger, why are you so ready to die? Giving up so easily?" He looked at her with interest behind his eyes, but never letting his guard down. She could tell he was trying to read her and she wasn't going to give him the opportunity. 

"I'm not ready to die, but I know when to accept my fate. Your father is one of You-Know-Who's most loyal minions, I'd be daft to think you wouldn't offer me up on a platter the first chance you got." Hermione shifted her weight not to face him directly. "Besides, it's not as if we were friends."

"Did you already forget I'm a legilimens? We just discussed this. I know you're lying I just can't see why-- _yet._ But don't worry, love. I'm not handing you in," he shook his head with a sneer. "I'll be back for you, though. Try not to forget that." 

With a loud, almost deafening crack of apparition, he was gone. 

Hermione quickly reapplied her glamours and all but ran back to the safe house. She didn't have a second extra to waste, worried that someone else may have spotted her talking to Malfoy. She replayed the conversation with him in her head the whole way back searching for answers as to why he didn't take her in. He had every reason to waltz her right up to him and yet he hadn't. 

She didn't have to long to linger on it though because as soon as she made it through the doors at Number 12, Mad-Eye-Moody was standing in the foyer. He was known for practicing his 'constant vigilance' so much that it was honestly a wonder that he hadn't caught her leaving in the first place. She hesitated, knowing she would be lectured for her carelessness, but she assumed she deserved whatever was coming to her. She took a deep breath and closed the door behind her. 

"Where have you been?!" he shouted, limping over to her. "Were you seen? Did anybody see you?"

"What? No. As you can see, I still have my glamours on. I just-I needed some fresh air," she said taking a small step back. "It won't happen again."

"You're bloody right it won't happen again! Do you know what could have happened? You could have compromised the entire Order! And for what? To go out and smell the daisies?!" Moody licked his lips and turned away abruptly. He took a drink from his flask-a habit he had picked up since the beginning of the war-and looked back over his shoulder. "Severus will be here soon to work with you while the others are gone. We need a Healer and you're the best at potions aside from him."

"Where are the others?" She hadn't thought there would be a mission, nobody had said anything to her previously. A twist in her stomach made her uneasy.

"We had a lead on a horcrux that they're following. That's all you need to know."

Moody left the room without another word. She could hear the clanking of his cane hitting the hardwood floor but her thoughts were swarming. He hadn't been worried about what would happen to her if she was captured, only what would happen to the Order. She knew that she was expendable, almost everyone was outside of Harry, but she hoped they'd care as a friend. They hadn't even informed her of a new mission. She had always been included before. She decided instead of her wallowing in self-pity, she would go change and be ready for Snape. 

As she went inside the bathroom she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She almost didn't recognize herself anymore. Her already small frame was becoming smaller, dark circles were threatening her eyelids, and her once bright eyes had lost their sparkle. She untied her hair from the pony-tail and let it fall on her shoulders. She looked almost as helpless and defeated as she felt. Turning away, she stepped into the shower and let the hot water cleanse her. And if she cried for the better part of it then no one had to know. 

Around noon Severus showed up at Grimmauld Place with a rather large set of boxes containing books and various potion ingredients. It was the first time she felt something familiar while being away. If there was anything that Hermione took pride in, it was being a good student. She could research, write feet upon feet of parchment on any given subject, and most importantly, remember nearly everything she learned. Since she hadn't much experience in healing outside of books, she was willing to learn everything she could from her old professor and hoped it would keep her mind at ease. 

"Hello, Professor," she greeted as he placed his things in the middle of the room the Order had provided them to use as a potions lab. "I appreciate you working with me. I know we had a difficult relationship in the past, but I'd like to start fresh. We may as well be civil if we're going to be working in such close quarters together."

He merely nodded back at her. 

"You'll have to excuse my lack of compassion, Miss Granger. I am not a kind man, nor do I pretend to be. I will, however, endeavor to be civil for the sake of the arrangement."

"Well, that's settled then," she replied. "Where should we begin?"

He walked around one of the boxes he had carried in and pulled out a book. She could tell it was old by the discoloration and the binding barely holding. _Dark Magic and Their Antidotes, Volume One._ Well, it was definitely one of the plainest book titles she had seen in the magical world. Short and to the point- exactly what she needed. 

"Page 197. We'll be working based on what you'll need to know. I assume you already know most basic healing spells, so we needn't waste time on that. I'll be teaching you things more specific to the situations your friends may find themselves in within the following months."

She turned to the page and let out a small gasp. "But, sir? This is for exposure to the Cruciatus curse. Couldn't this have been used on Neville's parents?"

"No. The Longbottoms' were tortured for such a long time with much more than Cruciatus."

Hermione hung her head and felt prickles of tears forming in her eyes. She knew the war wouldn't be easy and she would see all the horrors to come with it, but she continued to hold out hope that once they reached the end, they could carry on with their lives. Now, she wasn't too sure. The Longbottoms' didn't get that choice. 

"If you're through with grieving the living we need to get started," Snape spoke. "We don't have much time together during our meetings. I'm sure you're aware of my position in the Order, so my time here is limited. While you were undoubtedly an insufferable know-it-all to teach, I believe that very well might be your friends saving grace."

Hermione nodded her head, smiling to herself. That's probably the first and only compliment she would ever get from her old potions professor so took it. She read over the passage, taking notes mentally and on the parchment beside her, willing herself to remember every detail as if her life depended on it. Mostly because all of their lives did.

"Professor?" she asked. "I don't mean to intrude, but have you ever felt the effects from the curse? It says here there's only a small window of time after the curse has taken place to be able to reverse the lasting effects. Are… are you able to get back to safety with the pain that's been inflicted?"

Severus didn't look at her directly but even still Hermione could tell that he was tense. His body froze momentarily and he didn't even take a breath. After he gained his composure, he sat beside Hermione. 

"Yes, Miss Granger, I have felt the effects from the curse many times. The Dark Lord gains loyalty with fear or outright stupidity. Bellatrix falls into the latter. She's always had her suspicions of me, so when the Dark Lord feels I've failed a task she is more than eager to test her talents on me." 

Hermione felt a pang of remorse for him. He was doing so much for them and they never even knew. 

"The pain is quite unimaginable. The only reason I am able to withstand for as long as I have is solely because of my Occlumency shields. I am able to compartmentalize my pain, but your friends will not have that luxury, Miss Granger. They have twenty minutes at best to apparate to a safe house, find you, and have you administer the potion. Depending on the state of their mind, even that may be too late. The mind is fragile."

Hermione didn't reply. The tightness in her belly grew and she wanted to vomit. So many things could go wrong in an instant and it would be left to her to fix the pieces. She'd deal with the backlash, the blood, the injuries, all the while not even being told where her friends would be to need her. She forced herself to swallow the 'what-if's' and stood abruptly.

"Okay then. Let's start brewing, shall we?"

And for the first time in a while, she felt her mind being taken away from all the stress and easing into familiarity. She felt hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts/comments are always appreciated<3


	3. Long & Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!!
> 
> As promised, here is Chapter 3!  
> Thank you to everyone who had read this so far--especially while its a WIP. It means the world to me.
> 
> The chapter title is from:  
> Long and Lost by Florence + the Machine
> 
> <3

Hermione woke up the next morning feeling more rejuvenated than she had in a long while. She had worked with her old professor until well after dinner and it had given her mind something constructive and concrete to focus on. She had learned so much in just one evening she could hardly wait until the next session. He had left her with a stack of books to read and research while he was gone and for that she was grateful. Anything to keep her mind busy.

Especially since she hadn't seen much of the Order. She went to find Harry and Ron last night in their rooms after she had finished, but they were still empty, so they were most likely still hunting down the horcrux. When she had first arrived to Grimmauld Place she had thought she'd always be with them. The three of them against the world. _As long as I'm with my family I will be fine,_ she had thought. She didn't realize then that she'd be split from her two best friends and staying back on the sidelines. Though it was probably her own fault. If she had only stayed inside that night then maybe she would have been included on the hunt, too. 

Lazily, she made her way down to the kitchen to get a cup of a tea and the whole house seemed empty. In truth, she knew at least Mad-Eye was somewhere lurking about but she'd never see him even if he was. He was a shadow-dweller, constantly watching everyone from the outside so he could process any information he deemed vital. He was good at that, she supposed. As she wrapped her hands around the mug, she heard a faint tapping on the window to her left. On the window sill was a beautiful barn owl perched with a small envelope hanging from its beak. She gently made her way to the partially opened window to grab the envelope and give the owl a small pat on the head before it abruptly flew away. 

"Thank you," she whispered. 

She turned the letter over in her hands. It was addressed to 'The Gryffindor Princess' but nothing else to let her know who it was from. She cast a few diagnostic spells to make sure it wasn't cursed, then hesitantly opened it:

**HG-**

**Go to the place we met and touch the statue of the girl.  
It's urgent.**

**DM**

_DM?_ she wondered. _Draco Malfoy? What could he possibly want? And why on Earth does he want me to touch a statue? Does he want to see if I'll comply to his demands? He really must be delusional. As if I'd ever…_

But then again, she didn't know if she could afford to ignore his demand either. He had said it was urgent… After she rambled off all the 'what if's' in her mind, she cast all the glamours she could, slipped on her jumper, and closed the door to Number 12 silently behind her. She only hoped it wasn't a trap.

She didn't realize just how nerve-wrecking it was to be outside during the day even with all of the disillusionment spells on her. She had been constantly glancing over her shoulder the entire way to the park, worried that someone would notice her. The sunlight on her skin had felt welcoming, yet uninviting all at once. It was nice to feel the heat warming her body but it made her feel as though she had a constant spotlight around her. Every time she'd make eye-contact with a passer-by she'd hold her breath. In the Muggle world, you'd simply smile or nod and be about your way, but now, she didn't know if the wrong eye contact would land her in a torture cell. Just another thing she'd add to the list of things she missed. 

Once she had finally made it to the park she could tell exactly how old and dilapidated it truly was. The darkness from the other night had covered so much of its imperfections. She could then see the rust plaguing every inch of the swing-set, the splintering wood from the play castle, and most importantly, the nearly corroded statues at the far end of the park. She walked around them until she found the one Malfoy described as a small girl. 

"Oh, Alice," she laughed. She was certain that Malfoy hadn't known who it was, especially since she was from a muggle fairy-tale. It was still somehow fitting that he would choose the one statue related to magic. She had always enjoyed _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland._ During her first year at Hogwarts she had felt very much like Alice. She was also thrown headfirst into a whole new world full of magic and mystery. She couldn't help but wonder how differently her life would have been now if she just simply hadn't gone. If she had just had her parents turn McGonagall away when she arrived to explain the world of Magic to them. Maybe she would have been happy…

She quieted her thoughts and hesitantly lifted her hand to the touch the stone. She felt the unmistakable pull of her navel as she was unknowingly sucked to a new place. 

She didn't land gracefully. She landed hard on the ground with a thud and it nearly knocked all the air from her chest. She looked around trying to figure out where she was, but all she could see were trees. She knew she was obviously in a forest, but she didn't know where. She could have been anywhere in Europe. _Merlin help me._ She stood and tried to brush the dirt off of her clothes. 

"Ah, look at that. Princesses _can_ get dirty. I was never sure," Malfoy drawled. She looked around and noticed he was sitting above her on a tree branch. "Father was pretty adamant that all ladies of worth would never be caught dead in filth."

"Yes, well, it's not as if I had much choice in the matter, did I? I wasn't aware I'd be travelling by an unreported port-key today." She rolled her eyes and stepped back to get a closer look at him. "What's so urgent, Malfoy?"

"Your friends are in danger," he shrugged as he jumped from the tree. 

"You'll have to be a bit more specific. My friends and I are in the middle of a little something called a war. Maybe you've heard of it? This vile man-if you can call him a man-is trying to cause somewhat of a genocide," she spat. "He-"

"If you would be so kind as to shut up for one bloody moment I'd like to fill you in on what exactly is happening as we speak. Can you manage that?"

She wanted to retaliate, but she held her tongue and gave a small nod. 

"Right now, your friends are in the middle of a pretty elaborate set-up. Antonin Dolohov, one of the more high-ranking Death Eaters set the perfect trap for them. We know you've been hunting horcruxes. The Dark Lord isn't stupid no matter what else you think of him. He knows that a few have already been destroyed and it's only a matter of time until they're all found. So, he gave Dolohov the task to create a fake one to lure Potter and all his noble sidekicks onto Death Eater property."

Hermione's blood went cold and she tried to hide the shiver that ran throughout her body. She kept quiet as Malfoy continued to talk to her, even while her body willed her to scream and run back. 

"And do you know what's worse? They actually fell for it. Did they really expect it to be that easy? Never mind that. My point is-they're in trouble. I was able to stall them from finding the actual property long enough for me to warn you, but I'm telling you, Granger, you need to alert whoever was in charge _now_. Dolohov and a few others are waiting to take them. I don't know everything they have planned, but I do know the Dark Lord has specific orders not to kill them. But whatever they have planned will make them _wish_ they were dead."

"Why should I trust you?" she asked, her voice threatened to crack. 

"Because, Granger, you have no choice."

The next thing she felt was her body being pulled away once again with such force she couldn't fight it even if she wanted to. She landed-upright this time-right on the street outside of Grimmauld Place. She found it odd that he knew to send her here, but she had no time to think about it then. She had to get inside and find someone to reach Harry. 

She burst through the door screaming for anyone to come but it was too late. The foyer was full of Order members yelling at one another. They hadn't even noticed her yelling for them. She had had enough. She was just about to scream when she saw why everyone was in a panic. Ron was lying on the center of the floor, bleeding profusely from his neck. Harry was straddled on top of him using his hands to try to stop the bleeding. Without thinking, her body had sprung into action. Her feet had carried her straight over to Harry and Ron without her even realizing. 

"Kreacher!" she called out and almost instantly the elf was at her side. "Go to my rooms and get my healing kit. There's a bag of potions as well."

The elf apparated away and was back within seconds with everything that was asked of him. 

"Harry," she said gently. "I'm going to do everything I can to heal him, but I need you to move to the side. I can't risk you interfering. I have to separate my emotions right now and I can't have you being in the way."

For a moment, Harry looked stunned but he didn't argue. He nodded his head and moved away quickly to sit in the floor beside Ron's convulsing body. 

Hermione did her best to assess the damage she saw. She could tell the curse that hit Ron was dark in nature, but she only had one lesson with Snape so far and was far from being an expert at healing. She could remember the Sectum Sempra curse that Harry hit Malfoy with and it was the closest thing she knew to describe the cuts on Rons' neck and chest. She tried her best to wipe away the blood from the wound and began the incantation for the counter-curse and prayed it would work. 

" _Vulnera Sanentur_ ," she sang as she traced her wand over the deep cuts. One by one she repeated the movements. When the last one knitted together she tried to wipe away the access blood from him, but there was so much. He still wasn't moving. Something was wrong.

" _Accio Blood Replinishing Potion_!" she shouted. The small vial flew to her and she grabbed it without fail. She hurriedly took out the stopper. "Harry, I need you to lift his head so I can pour this into his mouth."

Carefully, he raised his head as Hermione poured the potion through Ron's parted lips. Within moments, Ron was gaining consciousness and the whole room was overcame with relief. 

"Ron? Ron!" she cried. "You're alive!"

He gave her a weak nod, but still couldn't speak yet. The potions and spell work were still healing his body. 

"Harry, take him to his room. He needs rest. I'll be by to apply the Dittany once I've gathered my kit." 

"Thank you, Hermione," he smiled. He wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss to her cheek. "We'd never make it without you."

Harry levitated Ron away and up the stairs and when she turned around most of the room was empty once again. All that remained was herself and Kingsley Shacklebolt. A loud pop rang through the room and Professor Snape was taking in his surroundings. 

"I thought you needed my assistance, Kingsley?" Snape drawled. 

"I did. However, Miss Granger was able to Mr. Weasley when she arrived. If you still wouldn't mind to take a look and make sure nothing was missed I would appreciate it."

"As you wish," he replied. "I'll see myself to his quarters."

Hermione turned to follow her old professor up the stairs, but a hand on her arm stopped her in her place.

"Miss Granger, I think we need to discuss where you were today," Kingsley told her. "We have some questions about your dealings with young Mr. Malfoy. Did you honestly think we wouldn't know?"


	4. Kingdom Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so a few things:
> 
> 1\. Things will start moving a bit faster after this chapter now a few things have been established.   
> 2\. I'm SOO thankful for all of you who have read/commented/left kudos on this so far. I know reading a WIP is scary, but I pinky swear to complete it!  
> 3\. The title is from Kingdom Come by The Civil Wars
> 
> Also, since this update is early, I may not get an update in Friday. I will do my best but no promises! Being on home restriction is giving me more time to write, but I also have loads of other things to get done as well. 
> 
> <3

"Miss Granger, I think we need to discuss where you were earlier today," Kingsley told her. "We have some questions about your dealings with the young Mr. Malfoy. Did you honestly think we wouldn't know?"

Hermione felt a shiver run down her spine. She knew she would be in trouble with the Order if they found out she just didn't think it'd be so soon. She wasn't exactly trying to hide anything she just hadn't had anything to tell them. They wouldn't understand anyway. They had all been ready to give up the life they'd previously known for the cause. They had all sacrificed everything to fight for the light. Somehow, she just felt that she gave more. Her parents won't remember her, she may never be able to return to the muggle world, and above all, she may lose every person she loved in the magical world as well. 

She followed Kingsley down the hallway to his room without saying a word. When his door creaked open she was met with the eyes of Mad-Eye and Remus Lupin, who were seated near the Mahogany desk in the center of the room. Kingsley held the door for her as she hesitantly slipped inside. She kept her eyes focused on the floor, not being able to look her comrades in the eye. 

"Miss Granger, please take a seat." Kingsley conjured an extra chair for her and she sat down gently. "I know you know why we asked you in here. Mad-Eye found your note this morning from Draco Malfoy and we know you went to him. What we need to know is why."

"I hadn't intended to meet him, sir. When I received the letter this morning I had even debated on not going, but when I saw the urgency I couldn't ignore it."

"Why did he reach out to you? Why _you_ specifically?" he asked.

"Truthfully, sir, when I went for a walk the other night I ran into Malfoy. More like he recognized me. I was under a lot of glamours and I'm not entirely sure how he knew it was me. He simply approached me and we talked for a moment. I told him if he was going to hand me over to You-Know-Who then to do it already, but he declined. He left and I came back here. I hadn't expected to hear from him again. So, when I received the note I went to hear what he had to say."

Everything went quiet. Possibly from shock that Hermione Granger, the goody-two-shoes herself, had managed to sneak away twice from the Order and speak with a known Death Eater. Kingsley looked over to Remus and Mad-Eye as if he was questioning the truth to her words.

"What did he have to say that was of such importance, Hermione?" Remus asked her. His eyes were more kind than the others. She had always admired that about him. 

"He wanted to warn me, sir. About the attack yesterday. He said that it was a trap set up by Dolohov and he would only be able to stall them for so long before they found the real territory. He told me I needed to warn whoever was in charge it was a trap before it was too late. He apparated me back outside and I was coming inside to warn you when I saw Ron--," she faultered as she remembered the sight of his blood soaking the floor. "When I saw Ron was injured. It was too late."

"You can't expect us to believe he wanted to help us out of what? The kindness of his heart? What did he ask of you?" Mad-Eye questioned. His constant vigilance was in full force. There wouldn't be much convincing him of the truth. 

"Nothing, sir. If he wanted something in return he never asked, nor told me what it was. He is a Malfoy though, so he very well come asking for a debt in the future. They only seem to help when it's beneficial to them." 

She wasn't lying. Not once in school did Malfoy ever do anything that didn't somehow benefit him. She was fairly certain that his father would be the same way. She hadn't a great deal of time with Lucius Malfoy, but what she did have she wasn't fond of and knew he operated for power. 

"I agree with Miss Granger," a deep voice drawled from the doorway. She looked up to see her eyes were met with those of Snape. "I have known the Malfoy family for a long time, so much that Lucius will always be considered like a brother to me even if his choices were far from respectable. They have always chosen the best outcome for their personal gain. However, I do not see how warning her was to their benefit unless my godson is betraying his pure-blood beliefs."

_Godson?_ Hermione thought. _Why didn't I hear of this before?_

By the looks on the others faces she assumed they hadn't known either. Remus's face was twisted into a deep thoughtful expression while Mad-Eye looked completely disgusted at the prospect. She took note of one thing, however. Kingsley didn't even flinch, but he definitely didn't look impressed with Snape's unwelcome outburst. She could tell that while Snape worked for the Light they still didn't entirely trust him and the new information he just dropped on them wouldn't be in his best interest. They'd probably use it against him later. 

"Just why pray tell would he go against everything he's ever known, Snape?" Kingsley questioned. "Since you obviously seem to know so much about them."

"I do not pretend to know their minds even as a mastered Legilimens. I don't like to intrude one's thoughts unless necessary. This is just something I have noticed over the years. Lucius tried to force the Malfoy beliefs and pure-blood favoritism on Draco since he was young. Narcissa, however, never voiced any of her real opinions. I feel as if she simply does what it asked of her when it comes to pure-blood customs. She may have influenced Draco more than we are aware."

"Professor?" Hermione asked. "Do you have any idea why Draco wouldn't turn me over to… to You-Know-Who? If his father had enforced this ideations on him then surely he'd want to serve me to him on a platter."

"As I said before, Miss Granger, my only guess is that it would somehow benefit him to not turn you in. The reasoning however is unclear."

She nodded her head and stared down at her feet again. Her mind was racing trying to decide what Malfoy wanted with her. She hadn't even noticed the remainder of the Order meeting as they discussed what to do. It wasn't until they said her name directly that she even looked back up.

"Hermione," Remus started. "I think you should probably go to your rooms now. We have a lot to discuss. If you hear from Draco again you must notify someone immediately-preferably one of us. We need to keep this information as discreet as possible, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir. I won't speak of it."

She stood from her chair and walked bristly to the door. She just wanted out of there as soon as possible. She had barely just made it out when the professor's voice rang out again and made her stop to listen outside.

"I will say this, Kingsley. I can tell you wish to rid of the girl for fear of her betrayal. In doing so, you would be making a grave mistake. If not for her quick-witted thinking tonight and Draco's warning then Mr. Weasley would be dead. Tell me, do you think Potter would continue waiting for your commands to strike and stay hidden in that event? I can assure you, he would be out of this house and at the Dark Lord's front gate in moments."

The room was either quiet or Hermione couldn't hear their voices. She felt proud that she had been one to save Ron and having her professors' approval made it better somehow. She felt as if for the first time he was actually taking up for her. As she smiled to herself, she walked to her rooms, and slept peacefully for the first time in months. 

A few days later she was in the make-shift Potions lab when Snape appeared. They never set a date for their lessons. He was never certain when he'd be able to slip away for a few hours and be undetected. He told her that 'the Dark Lord has eyes everywhere' so any time he could spare would be essential to aiding her. If he was caught aiding the Order, he would be dead. She made it a point to always listen and learn as much from him as she could in their allotted time. 

"What are you reading about at the moment, Miss Granger?"

"I'm reading about the effects of Lycanthropy, sir. I know it's not curable, but Greyback is a well-known supporter of You-Know-Who, so I thought it couldn't hurt to learn how to heal the bite at least. I'm sure he doesn't hesitate to do it."

"Very well, but you're wrong about Greyback. Very few survive his attacks. Still, I'll teach you how to brew a Wolfsbane potion today. I've been making it for Remus for years now. At best, it will only alleviate the symptoms of the full-moon if it is made properly and taken as suggested. Missing even one dose would cause it to be ineffective. If they don't miss, they will at least be able to hold onto their mental state." He walked over to the cabinets and gathered a few ingredients. 

"From what I've read it's a very expensive potion to make. How will we be able to afford everything if many people are bitten?"

His face briefly frowned before his hardened expression came through. She pretended not to notice. 

"You will have to be able to assess the situation. You will have to choose who gets it and who doesn't if there are multiple bites. This war will not be easy, Miss Granger, you know this. You will see the worst of it I'm afraid. If the Order is planning on using you as a Healer-which is why I'm here-then you will not be in battle. You will only see the aftermath. No matter if it's a win or a loss, it will always look like you have lost."

She had never thought of that and she thought of everything. She had always just assumed she'd be in battle and healing like a medic in muggle wars. It hadn't occurred to her she'd just be waiting to see who lived and died. She felt her stomach twist into knots at the thought of having to choose which of her friends she could save. He must have noticed her internal struggle because his voice was the only thing that shook her from the thoughts. 

"The main ingredient is obviously Wolfsbane so you must brew this with caution. One small mistake and this would be poison. It also must be taken every day for the week before the full-moon. That is _vital_. As I just said, one missed dose and it will not work. If it is brewed correctly, you will see a faint blue smoke arise from the cauldron. Anything else and it will most likely be poison."

"Understood, sir."

An hour or so later into their brewing, Hermione couldn't keep quiet about what she heard him tell the Order any longer. They were sitting opposite of each other at a long table and the quiet felt deafening. She had to say something and she had so many questions she wanted to ask about Malfoy. She knew her time was limited with her professor and it may have been her only chance. Besides, they were waiting for the potion to simmer on its own for a while anyway. 

"Professor?" she asked meekly. "May I talk to you about something while we wait?"

"I'm not your friend to confide in, Miss Granger," he answered. He didn't even bother to look up at her. 

She huffed and continued pressing anyway. "I know, sir, but this is a matter to speak between us. It'll only be a moment."

"Go ahead," he drawled.

"I heard you the other night talking to the Order and I wanted to thank you. I know that you probably don't want to hear it but I'm doing it anyway. You defended me for whatever reason and I couldn't-I just wanted to let you know I appreciate your words. I've felt useless for weeks and hearing you confirm that I saved Ron's life meant a great deal. So, thank you."

He nodded back at her and opened his mouth a few times to speak but closed his mouth back. He looked as though he was struggling with his words.

"You did save his life, Miss Granger. From what I assessed, you were able to work quickly and compartmentalize. It's essential to being a healer. However, you were able to save him because of Draco's warning as well. You were prepared to see something bad even if you hadn't known it yet."

She stood from her seat and moved to a closer one near her professor. She watched him shift uncomfortably and lowered his eyes again to the book before him. 

"You know I have to ask if you had something to do with that, don't you? You're the only person who has access to both sides. Did you have Malfoy warn me? Or tell him how to contact me?"

His eyes shot up to hers and she felt the disgust. "I most certainly did not, Miss Granger. Do you think I'd show my hand for something so trivial? I made an oath to Dumbledore to protect Potter at all costs and I will see it through. It would take much more for me to show any loyalty to the Light to anyone outside of it."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just-I can't wrap my head around it," she trembled. "I hate to admit it but I'm scared. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder as if any moment he'll show up and give me over to them and what it would entail. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

She let out a sob she wasn't aware she had been holding back. Once the tears started flowing she couldn't stop them. She didn't want Snape to see her like that, but her body betrayed her and just let the tears keep coming. Ever so slightly she felt the gentle touch of a hand grasping hers. She wiped her eyes with the opposite hand and looked up to meet Snape's eyes. He looked unsure at what to do and she didn't blame him. She wouldn't know how to handle a blubbering ex-student either.

"Do not apologize to me, Miss Granger. I deserve far worse than you questioning my loyalties. I know you want to apologize for the tears as well, but there's no need. Believe it or not, it's not the first time I've had a student in tears in my presence," he winked.

"Ha!" she breathed a laugh through the tears. "I wasn't aware you indulged in humor, sir."

"It's not often, but when the situation arises I seize the opportunity."

She gave his hand a small squeeze in return, her thanks being unsaid but told all the same. 

"I wish to amend a previous statement if I may, Miss Granger," he stated gently. "I may not be good at it, but I will be a friend you can confide in. If you find that you need someone to listen, I will endeavor to do so to the best of my ability. I've been in your place before."

"Thank you, Professor. I have only one requirement," she replied. "You must call me Hermione."


	5. My Faith Is Shaken but I Still Believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a day behind.   
> I had a lot of things come up in my personal life that prevented this from being posted.   
> ANYWAY.  
> I feel the need to clarify that I have no beta. Any and all mistakes are my own, so I apologize. 
> 
> The title of this chapter comes from:   
> Hold Me While You Wait by Lewis Capaldi

She hadn't been prepared for the amount of bodies. 

Severus had tried to warn her countless times over their lessons the last few weeks of what she'd see, but nothing he said could have prepared her for it. The Order had made a makeshift infirmary at another safe-house location. They deemed it a necessity after Ron was attacked. She was thrilled at first knowing she'd have at least a somewhat sterile environment to heal her patients in. She was even more thrilled when she learned that Madame Pomfrey would be stopping in to help when she was able. It almost made her feel like she was taking on an apprenticeship instead of working triage.

Her happiness had quickly diminished, though. The Order had placed their first real attack on the LeStrange Estate nearly two days ago and since then all she had accomplished was trying to tend to the all of wounded without having learned anything more than basic diagnostic and healing spells. She wasn't sure she had ever seen so much blood in her life. Her aprons were stained with the rust color and she was reminded of loss every time she had to put one on. Try as she had, she hadn't been able to save everyone. One solemn look around the infirmary could confirm that. They hadn't had time to properly dispose of the bodies yet, so they laid in a corner under a blanket waiting to be burned or buried.

The first patient she lost was a girl whose name she didn't know. She had recognized her from Hogwarts, perhaps a Ravenclaw, but that was the extent of her knowledge on her. She had been hit with a dark curse that caused her insides to erupt and spill out of her body. She shouldn't have still been conscious, but the girls' screams will never leave Hermione's ears. It was an unnatural shriek. Hermione tried everything she knew-muggle and magical-to heal her. Hermione had wanted to cry when she held the girls' intestines in her hands, frantically trying to put them where they belonged, but it was of no use. The girl had succumbed to an eternal sleep.

The next patient she lost was personal to her. It was her friend, Nymphadora Tonks. Tonks had pleaded not to save her, but Hermione wouldn't give up. Tonks had been hit with several slicing curses all over her abdomen-one directly over her heart that cut particularly deep. Hermione casted a diagnostic spell and she felt sick at what she saw. Tonks was pregnant. Not very far along, but she was pregnant nonetheless. Hermione did everything she had known to do to save them both, but the extent of the curse was too much. She cried for two hours after. 

She stopped counting her losses after that. 

She had been at the infirmary non-stop since then unable to process the volume of losses. She kept healing those she could and just tried to walk away from those she couldn't. She had to keep busy from breaking down. She had to keep working to keep her mind from worrying about Harry and Ron. _Were they still fighting? Had they made it back to Grimmauld Place safely, yet? Or were they lying dead somewhere?_ She couldn't think about it. People needed her to be thinking clearly. Their lives very much depended on it. 

She had just finished treating a patient whose bones she had to re-grow when Madame Pomfrey approached her with a worried expression. She knew whatever the older witch was going to tell her, it wouldn't be pleasant.

"Miss Granger," she said. "I have received word that you are needed at the LeStrange Estate. It seems that one of the members of the Order has been severely injured and in no state to be apparated to us. They need you there as soon as possible."

She felt panic threatening to rise in her throat but she quieted it down almost as quickly as it came on. "I'll take my kit. Is it-do you know who it is?"

"I don't I'm afraid," she answered solemnly. "Please be safe, my dear."

She nodded and went instantly to grab her kit. She prayed selfishly the whole way to the apparition point that it wasn't Harry or Ron. She couldn't bear it if it was.

She didn't know what she expected to see when she landed at the estate, but she had most certainly not expected to see the amount of devastation. The Estate was surrounded by what used to be forest but was now mostly torn down trees. The gates surrounding the home were barely standing, with marks from undoubtedly stray hexes. She couldn't see the home from where she was hunkered down, but she assumed it looked just as worn down as the surroundings. She had never taken time to ponder what war would look like, but once she was surrounded it, she couldn't remember anything else.

Carefully, she tip-toed around looking for any members of the Order to show her where to go. There were no signs of safety. Her heart kept racing with every step she took. If she were to be found out on her own they'd kill her for sure. Or, maybe not. Bellatrix LeStrange was known for her creative torture skills. Hermione could only imagine what she'd come up with for a muggle-born like herself. That would be a fate worse than death.

She walked for what felt like a mile before she saw a clearing in the distance and what looked like a safe and discreet enough place for the Order to be laying low. She clutched her wand tighter in her hand as she approached. If she had learned anything since meeting Harry on the Hogwarts Express, it was that nothing was ever what it seemed and even the safest of places weren't safe. She had almost made it to the clearing when she heard someone yell out _'Stupefy!'_ before her body went stiff and she collapsed to the ground. 

"What the-" the voice said. "Granger? What are you doing here?"

It was Malfoy. She barely heard the whispered 'finite incantetum' before she felt her body release itself. 

"I'm obviously helping the Order, you git! Do you know where they are?" she asked. "I think you owe me after you just stunned me."

"I owe you nothing, Granger. Let's be very clear about that," he snarled. He moved closer to her and crouched down barely inches from her face. "I will help you, though. This isn't a place for someone like you to be. I wouldn't wish dear Aunt Bella's torture on anyone."

Her breath caught in her throat. He was mere inches from her face and she could feel his breath on her as he spoke. She swallowed the saliva that built in her mouth and silently prayed he couldn't tell how she felt because truthfully, she didn't know whether to be uncomfortable or if she liked it.

"I was doing just fine before you stupefied me! I just have to get to the camp so I can do my job and be gone," she retorted.

"Listen to me _carefully_. Over there," he pointed out, "is a Death Eater camp you almost paraded onto. I know you're supposed to be the brightest witch of our age, but you can't just go prancing wherever you please without knowing where you are. This isn't Hogwarts. There will be consequences."

"I don't see any Death Eaters. Besides, why wouldn't they just stay inside their wards?" she questioned, trying her best not to look disappointed that he may have been right. Even if he wasn't lying to her, she didn't want to look dumb. She had made enough mistakes. 

"They're not stupid, Granger. The Estate is the first place you and your precious Order would attack. Wards can only hold for so long. Besides, if they have an extra station or two all over the property they can attack from more angles. Cut you off. Use your brain."

She was just about to open her mouth with another smart reply, but she saw two black figures heading toward them from the other side of the clearing. She let out a panicked gasp and clutched onto Malfoy's arm without thinking. "Look!" she shout-whispered.

"What are you? Oh, _fuck_." 

He grabbed her by the wrist and led her away from the clearing, ducking behind a few fallen trees. 

"Do you understand now?" he asked her, clearly upset. "There's no way they didn't see us. I'm going to take you to the Order camp, but I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"

"Trust you?" she huffed. "You do realize why that's easier said than done, right?"

"Granger, we do not have time for this. I'm giving you my word. I will get you to the Order, but you have to do exactly as I say."

Hermione took a moment to look him over. He almost looked scared. His gray eyes no longer held a cold hate, but something else entirely. She just couldn't place it. She would have to trust him. He might be her only chance.

"Fine," she said. "I trust you."

"I'm going to use a few glamours on you, to make you look beaten. They won't believe I've captured you if you still look untouched. I'm going to need you to keep up and keep quiet when they arrive. Understood?"

"No," she replied. "Don't use the glamours. If they see through it then it's over. Just-just make it real."

"What?! I'm not going to hit you. I may be a lot of things, but I refuse to lift my hand to a lady. Hard no."

"Malfoy, we don't have time for this. I'm giving you permission. Just one hit and we can throw a lot of dirt and whatever else on me. We need them to believe this."

He didn't respond right away and she knew he was having an internal struggle with himself. Ultimately, he knew what he had to do. 

"I'm sorry, Granger," he whispered right before lifting his fist and connecting it on her cheekbone. She stumbled backwards as it connected and her pale flesh began to bruise almost instantly. 

She didn't say anything. She didn't cry, scream, or anything else to show she was in pain. She bent down in the ground and began to rub mud and dirt over his face and arms as well. She heard Malfoy apologize again while she did so, but she chose to ignore it. They all had to make sacrifices and do things to survive. This was simply another of hers. She could hear voices approaching, so she stood up and walked to be toe-to-toe with Malfoy. She shook as she held up her hand with her wand. 

"Here," she whispered. "Take this. I can't have my wand."

Malfoy frowned but retrieved it, nonetheless. She had to place every ounce of her trust in him and she felt her stomach twist in knots. She was officially at his mercy. 

"Here they come, Granger," he breathed. "I'm sorry for what I may have to do. Just trust me."

He grabbed her by her hair and she let out a shriek. He wasn't hurting her, but it was surprising. He began to drag her away from their hidden spot and into plain sight. At first, she was confused, then she realized, he has to look like we weren't running away.

"Well, well, well, son. Who have you found, here?" the first cloaked figure asked, walking closer to them to inspect her. She realized almost instantly that it was Lucius Malfoy, Malfoy's father. She shut her eyes tightly and tried to think of anything but what was happening. Her heart was racing and if he were half the legilimens as his son, he'd be able to read her thoughts just as easily.

"Ahh, just another muggle-born. Found her wondering back here. I thought I'd bring her back to the Manor for some fun before questioning," he lied. He lied a little too easily if she were honest. 

"Great choice," came the other voice from behind her. "I could smell her for two miles. I was chasing her scent myself."

She peeped through her closed eye-lids barely enough to tell that it was Fenrir Greyback smelling her hair. A shudder escaped her body and she watched as he bared his teeth. "So scared. So… virginal. I see you've already marked her, but I'd love to have a turn with this one, Draco."

"Finders, keepers, I'm afraid. I intend to have this one to myself. Dark Lord willing, of course," he added.

"Well, Draco," Lucius stated. "We've cleared this part of the estate. It seems as though Dumbledore's rejects have retreated elsewhere. We're headed to see your mother and aunt. I can't wait to hear what becomes of this mudblood."

Fenrir snarled one more show of his teeth and followed after Lucius. 

As soon as they were out of sight, Malfoy released her hair from his grasp. She grabbed her throat as if she were choking because she was scared to breath. Lucius she could handle. She knew she could at least put up a fair fight against him. But being near Greyback, one of the most notorious werewolves, made her sick. Her head was pounding and the forest seemed to spin around her. She fell to her knees and let a few tears fall from her eyes. 

"Are you alright, Granger?" he asked, kneeling beside her. "What do you need?"

She cleared her throat and wiped her tears away. "I'm fine. I'll be fine."

He nodded his head in response, obviously unsure what to say. He reached into his robes and pulled out her wand, "Here."

"Thank you," she said. "I mean it. It looks like I owe you."

"Don't thank me yet, Granger. We still have to get you to the camp, so just stay close to me in case we run into any others."

Together, they began hiking through the forest terrain in silence.


	6. All I Can Do is Survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, read the warning tags.   
> This chapter is dark and contains torture and rape.  
> Your well-being is the top priority, so please read with caution.   
> As always, you can message me and I'll explain a summary so you can safely skip this part without losing any plot.   
> I'm sorry this was delayed as well, but I'm doing what I can!
> 
> The title is from:  
> Tess-timony by Ice Nine Kills.
> 
> Enjoy!

The phrase 'silence is deafening' had never been more accurate.

They walked together through the terrain for hours without speaking or even looking at one another. Hermione's stomach was still uneasy from her brief encounter with Greyback and she couldn't seem to shake the vile glare of his eyes. Then there was her head that was pounding and full of racing questions about Malfoy and why he was risking his own safety to save her. That didn't seem like the boy she knew in school. He was becoming an anomaly.

She glanced over at him briefly and saw nothing. He was near emotionless. She wondered if it was a pureblood thing or if the Malfoys were just bred to look cold. Or, maybe he went to some prestigious pureblood reform school as a child. The only time she had ever seen him break his character was when she pointed out the Death Eaters. His expression had gone from unreadable to worried pretty quickly. If it'd hadn't been so life or death at the time she probably would have laughed at the sight. 

"I can hear your thoughts again," he told her. She tensed up and her eyes went wide. "You know this. We've been over this."

She didn't even reply. All she could think was how much or what he heard and when. She hadn't forgotten he was a Legilimens, she just didn't keep that information as a front thought in her mind. She had way more important things to worry about most of the time. Besides, it's not as if she planned to keep meeting with him.

"This is as far as I can take you. If I get any closer they'd kill me on sight," he said. "Keep heading straight and you'll come across their wards. You can handle it from here, yes?" 

"I'll be fine. Thank you, Malfoy," she replied. "I can't say I enjoyed your company, but I do appreciate all of your help. You saved me and I am grateful."

"Let's not get sentimental, Granger."

And with that, he was gone almost instantly. 

She didn't have to walk far before stumbling onto the Order camp. It wasn't hidden particularly well, but the wards seemed decent. Thankfully her wand would allow her entrance and she could avoid any confrontation. She just wanted to get in to do her job and get out of there. She had enough excitement for one day. For a lifetime even. 

Once she was inside the wards, she found where she was needed and got to work. She was relieved to see that her patient wasn't Harry or Ron-not that she wished anyone harm, but she welcomed the relief all the same. Instead, it was Lavander Brown. Hermione quickly cast a diagnostic and knew what she had to do. The girl had been stabbed quite brutally with a cursed knife. Hermione knew she could repair most of the damage, but removing a curse was something else entirely. She didn't know the proper spell-work for it, nor did she know exactly how it was cursed. She really needed Snape.

Even still, she began healing the wounds. She closed what she could to stop the bleeding and laid a patch to keep infection from setting in. Lavender was beginning to stir, an obvious sign that the Dreamless Sleep was starting to wear off, and Hermione worked as fast as she could. They couldn't afford to give her anymore potions and the last thing she wanted to do was make her suffer through repair while awake. She finished with everything she knew to do and retreated from the tent to find someone in charge. 

She was met outside the tent by Remus Lupin. Hermione wasn't sure if he was in charge of this particular operation, but she knew he was high enough to be able to discuss classified information. 

"How is she?" he asked. 

"Not well," she replied honestly. "I managed to heal the wounds as they were, but I have no practice with healing curses-especially not dark ones. I'm not even certain how to identify what the curse is, yet. I'm afraid if I try to heal it that it may retaliate in some way. I need to discuss this with Severus if at all possible."

"I can try to send for him. Will you be able to stay for a while if he comes?"

"Yes, of course."

A few hours later, Hermione was sitting beside Lavender's bed, when Snape arrived. He looked tired and worn down. She could always tell when he came from working with the Death Eaters. His eyes had dark circles beneath them, his usually manicured hands would be dirty, and his hair would be a right mess as if he had constantly kept running his hands through it. She'd never say these things aloud, however. If he needed someone, he knew she was there.

"Hello, Severus," she greeted. She tried to show a smile but it fell flat. Her heart couldn't fake being happy when it was so broken. 

"Evening, Miss Granger," he nodded. "Excuse me. Evening, _Hermione_."

"I'm sorry to have brought you in. I know you've been…otherwise occupied today, but I just didn't know how to help her. I barely know anything about dark curses and absolutely nothing about healing them."

"Do not waste your apologies on me, Hermione. Save them for someone who is worthy of them. You needed me and I am here as I promised I would be," he replied. "Let me show you how to first identify what curse you're handling."

He waved his wand around in a somewhat sharp and circular motion, casting a faint lilac glow around the room. Hermione's jaw nearly hit the floor at the beauty of it. She could feel the pull of the magic, begging her to move closer, closer, closer...

"Miss, Granger," Snape called a little too loudly, snapping her out of her trance. "This is Dark Magic, Hermione. To treat it, to study it, you must also use it. It's a double-edged sword if you will. The magic itself is not dark, but it slowly corrupts the soul naming it as such. Like with all magic however, the intent is what separates the light and dark. I shan't lie to you, Hermione. It will call to you, as you've just witnessed. You must be able to resist if I am to teach you."

Hermione agreed. She had lost enough already to the cause, she didn't want to lose her soul as well. "I can't promise you that, sir. We both know the temptations and who knows what can happen in the future. What I can promise is that I won't seek it out, nor will I use it unless necessary."

He nodded back obviously content with her answer and began casting the diagnostic again. This time, Hermione was able to fight off the urge to follow the pull on her own. Feeling proud of herself, she again threw herself into learning everything she could for the next hour.

By the time they released the curse on Lavender and had her stabilized, it was nightfall. She was exhausted, as well as her magic, and beyond ready to get back to Grimmauld Place for a couple hours of much needed sleep before reporting to the infirmary again. She hadn't realized just how draining it could be. Madame Pomfrey always hid it well. 

Hermione made her way outside the wards of camp (without hearing a single thank-you she might add) and walked quietly into the forest a bit more so she could safely disapparate without giving away their location. It was a waste of time, though. She had barely made it twenty yards from the camp when she heard a low, malicious growl creeping up behind her. Her breathing sped up and panic set in. She opened her mouth to scream but all that came out was a muffled sob, as a hand closed over mouth. 

She felt someone pressed hard against her back and the vile smell of the werewolf came flooding back to her senses. She was too magically drained to fight and even if she hadn't she'd be no match for him. She thought back to a self-defense class her father had made her take before running to Hogwarts. The instructor had said _'make sure whatever happens they don't get you to point b. Point b is planned, pre-mediated. Point a is all built on chance.' Too bad that doesn't work with werewolves,_ she thought. 

"Did young Draco tire of you already, Mudblood?" Greyback snarled. "I waited, you know. I followed your scent after coming back from the Manor and it led me right to you."

Cold chills graced her skin and she silently prayed to whatever deity that she'd survive this. He lowered his hand from her mouth and grabbed her by the throat. 

"You smell so lovely I could just eat…you…up." He snapped his yellow-stained teeth near her neck just enough to scare her even more. She jumped from instinct, her body betraying her. 

"Please," she sobbed. " _Please_ let me go."

"Oh, I will let you go alright," he laughed. "I'll let you go straight to Malfoy Manor with me. I bet I'll get a nice reward for bringing Potter's precious Mudblood in since Draco failed so miserably."

"No!" she cried. "Please. I'll-"

"You will not speak unless spoken to, girl!" he yelled. "You will learn your place."

Without any warning, she was being thrown face first into the hard gravel pathway outside of Malfoy Manor. He lifted her by her hair, (not as gentle as Malfoy had done) and dragged her to the gate entrance. She flailed the whole time, refusing to give up the fight. Malfoy Manor was her Point B and she knew whatever happened inside would be nothing short of torturous. She had no doubt that she'd be used to gain intelligence about the Order.

Lucius Malfoy greeted them just beyond the gates wearing a sly grin on his lips, but she refused to meet his eyes. The pain from her scalp was nauseating and she was doing her best to block out her surroundings. She couldn't remember for certain but she thought she had overheard the Order saying the Death Eaters were using Malfoy Manor as their main location. Not a hideout necessarily because everyone knew they wouldn't make it through the gates before ripped to shreds with dark magic. She just wondered which Death Eaters would be inside. 

"I had wondered where you were when my son came back empty handed," Lucius told her coldly as he ushered them inside. "A few of us are waiting just inside the drawing room for you. Fenrir always did enjoy a nice audience for his playtime."

Hermione barely registered the low chuckles coming from the two men around her. An audience? She thought. Should have known that I would be a spectacle.  
Lucius must have cast a wordless spell on her at some point as she became aware of the ropes around her wrists. She couldn't focus on anything around her except the intense burning of her scalp sending hot shots of pain through her eyelids. 

She was finally thrown down onto the cold hardwood and she sighed a small breath of relief when the pain momentarily subsided, his grip no longer entangled in her hair. The room was dimly lit, the candles on the wall were the only sources of light she could see. She could tell the Manor was very elegantly decorated once upon a time but now it looked as if it had been unkept. Most likely from the storms of Death Eaters running wild inside. 

She barely allowed herself a moment to look up and she could tell she was surrounded. An audience was a bit of an understatement. There were at least fifty Death Eaters in black and only a handful bothered to cover their faces to her. Not that she could see them well enough to matter. The only one she could recognize was that of Bellatrix LeStrange and that was only because of her voice singing, 'let's kill the mudblood!' as she cackled. 

"My fellow brethren," Lucius announced, "we have a special treat tonight for your entertainment. Greyback has managed to find a very special guest for us. The Golden Girl herself, Hermione Granger!"

He stepped briefly to the side so everyone could get a good look at her and the shouts of joy erupted throughout the drawing room. Her heart began to pace faster and faster.

"Tonight, is a night of celebration! We shall each get a turn with the girl to do what we wish outside of murder. We imagine the Dark Lord will want to speak with her so she must be kept in a fairly coherent state. However, I have agreed to let Fenrir have first turn as a thank you for his efforts after dear Bella marks her. She must know her place after-all."

Hermione suddenly felt ill. She emptied the contents of her stomach on the hardwood floor and was quickly met with a kick to her stomach, knocking the air from her lungs. She heard Lucius talking but she had no clue what he said. All her mind could focus on was trying to breathe. She had no doubt that he probably said something about tainting his floor with her vomit. 

Before she knew it, she was being flipped onto her back and a weight was pressed onto her stomach. Barely opening her eyes, she saw the face of Bellatrix LeStrange staring down at her, smiling with a blade between her teeth. It was then that she knew what Lucius had meant by being marked.

"No," she gasped. "Don't-"

A slap to the face stopped her. "You will not tell me what to do, little girl."

Greyback came to her side and spread her arms wide like being crucified. His weight settled on her palms and she couldn't move. Between his force and Bella's weight on her legs she had no hope of escape. Tears started to pool and she screamed out in agony as the blade touched her forearm. She couldn't bear to look down. She could feel the tear of flesh and the stickiness of her blood that began to fall. Another slice and again she screamed so loud that she was sure her vocal chords would give out. 

It wasn't until the third slice she realized that she wasn't just being sliced open. They were carving a word into her arm. The slur she had heard since her first year at Hogwarts. The name she would never be able to escape: _mudblood._ The slices kept coming and the screams never stopped. She prayed her arm would go numb eventually but it never came. 

"Ah, Bella, beautiful work as always," Lucius congratulated. "It is now time to allow Greyback his fun."  
Hermione watched as Bellatrix admired her handiwork before removing herself from Hermione's body. She wanted to curl into a ball and die. Death was surely to be more welcome than whatever what coming next. 

Greyback wasted no time getting on top of her and pressing his entire body on hers. "I can't wait to taste you, mudblood. My mouth is absolutely watering. Let's put on a good show, okay?" 

His breath in her face made her feel the urge to vomit again but she somehow refrained. He unzipped her jacket and tossed it immediately to the side. She had known the possibility of what would happen to her. She had known it. Somehow it didn't completely resonate with her until her top was gone, down to her bra that she knew for sure. She would be raped-and there was nothing she could do. 

He fondled her breasts through her bra and then immediately tore the garment from her body. She tried to fight to positon herself away from the prying eyes of the audience around her, but it was no use. He was too strong. He climbed on top of her to straddle her and brought his mouth to her breast. He sucked on it harshly nibbling a little too hard on her nipple. The tears started to flow but she didn't make a sound. 

She felt the weight subside from her body and she opened her eyes again, hoping it was over. Greyback was kneeled to the side, pulling himself from his trousers causing Hermione to let out a stifled sob. He then grabbed her jeans and tore them-along with her panties-from her. She could feel large hands grabbing her bottom squeezing tight enough to leave a mark. A loud scream escaped her throat when he grabbed her around the waist and threw her onto a large end table. 

He suddenly inserted two fingers hard inside her and she screamed once again. The pain was more than she could bear. She hadn't had anyone there before. She had wanted to wait for love, even if it sounded cliché. She wanted to have that to share with who she wanted-but now, it was being taken from her. She choked back another scream the more he tried to pump his fingers in and out of her. 

"What's wrong, mudblood? Not enjoying yourself? Don't worry. You'll be screaming for it," he growled. "I always confuse screams of pleasure and pain, but either way, I get what I want."

He slammed her face down onto the table causing her vision to blur momentarily. The room seemed to spin around her. She was trying hard to focus on something solid and still to keep her grounded. She couldn't afford to lose herself. Finally, she saw a stunned figure standing to the farthest side of the crowd. She could notice that pale hair anywhere. 

Maybe Draco would save her. Maybe he would intervene and stop this. 

They locked eyes for a moment and his face flashed a look of remorse before returning back to the hardened expression she was used to. It was then she felt the intense stretching and pain of Greyback entering her with one hard thrust. 

She didn't scream.

She didn't cry.

She just laid there, praying death would find her.


	7. Hung My Head As I Lost the War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!   
> We have an early update again!
> 
> This is a LONG chapter. I almost split it into two parts, but I just couldn't leave you guys with a cliff-hanger. At least, not YET. (;
> 
> This chapter can cause triggers. It deals with sexual assault. If this is an issue, PLEASE don't hesitate to ask me for a summary. Your well-being is top priority. 
> 
> With that being said, some of the inspiration from this chapter is personal to me. It may not be this way for everyone, but this is simply my view. 
> 
> Title is from: Clean by Taylor Swift
> 
> Okay, end of the longest author note in history.   
> Enjoy!

It's strange how powerful the mind is. 

It protects you in ways you can't fully comprehend, yet at the same time, it can be the very thing that destroys you. 

As Hermione laid there with Greyback still going she never unlocked eyes with Malfoy. As much as she didn't want to admit it to herself his eyes felt safe. It was something she familiarized and she could hold onto. Still though, her mind was no longer focused on what was happening to her. Instead she focused on the way Draco clenched his jaw tighter and tighter with every passing moment and how his hands were clenched tightly to his sides. Every miniscule detail about him she tried to remember. Eventually, her mind went blank and her thoughts went dark. 

She woke up what she assumed were a few hours later with blood and semen coating her thighs. She was in the dungeons now. She could tell by the musty smell and the dirt covered floor. Not that she expected anything less. She looked around in the dark for her clothes but it was in vain. They were probably vanished long ago. She knew without her clothes it probably meant it was only a matter of time until they came back for round two. Lucius had promised her to them after all. She wondered if they had already taken her while she was blacked out. 

Her entire body hurt. She tried to assess her injuries the best she could without her wand. She could tell she had several lacerations from the splintered wood of the table and her arms and legs had more bruises than skin showing. She ran a shaky hand over her abdomen and saw a large black bruise the perfect shape of a hand-print, undoubtedly belonging to Greyback. 

Sighing, she laid back down on the cold floor of the dungeon and curled into herself. She couldn't even bring herself to cry anymore. The feeling of emptiness was consuming her and for once, she welcomed it. 

Suddenly, she was being violently shaken, ripping her out of her slumber. It was hard to adjust in the dark and she fought back. She couldn't go back upstairs. She couldn't. 

"Granger, stop!" they shouted. "It's me. It's Draco. Stop fighting!"

She clutched onto him for dear life. Her savior. Uncontrollable sobs escaped her and she squeezed him tighter. 

"Shh," he cooed, awkwardly brushing her hair from his face. "It's alright. I'm getting you home. I need you to trust me again, can you do that for me?"

She nodded and pulled away from him. She couldn't speak if she wanted to. The sobs were too much for her body and her mind couldn't force her mouth to form words. 

"Here," he said handing her a black cloak. "I thought you might want to um-cover up. I'm sorry it's all I have."

He looked at her apologetically and helped her drape the fabric around her body. It was a little big on her so she was able to fully wrap it around her person, covering every inch that she wanted unexposed. She felt uneasy knowing he had just seen her entire body in all its glory, but she was grateful that he didn't ogle her. He didn't once take his eyes from hers. If nothing else, he was a complete gentlemen considering. 

She still felt dirty, though. She wanted to remove the remnants of the nights events from her body, but without her wand she'd have to ask him for help. She wanted to faint at the thought but mustered up the courage to ask anyway.

"Are you okay to walk?" he asked her. "I can get us out but you'll have to walk."

"Yes," she squeaked. "I think-I think I can. Just, can you do something for me first. Please?"

"What is it?"

"Can you-can you cast a _scourgify_ for me?" Her tear stained eyes welled up again. The humiliation of it all seemed silly in the grand scheme of things, but she didn't care. 

Realization dawned on his face for a moment before he nodded. She opened her cloak just enough for him to cast the spell and she waited to feel the tingle of magic on her skin. As soon as it was cast, she instantly felt relief wash over her.   
She flashed a sad smile to him as a thank you. 

"Okay, Granger, I need you to listen carefully," he instructed. "Most of the Death Eaters are asleep, but there are a few still roaming around. I can disapparate once we're out of the dungeons, but you need to keep close until we are out of here. If we're stopped I'll say I'm taking you to my rooms. Nothing I say to them will be true. Do you understand?"

"I understand," she replied. 

He took her hand and guided her through the dungeon door into the hallway. She could tell there were several more dungeon doors lining the walls and wondered who else may have been down there. Her body shook at the thought of more people having to endure what she had. 

It was eerily quiet when they made it up the steps to go to the main floor. It was like waiting for a pin to drop. She hadn't realized how tightly she had still been holding Draco's hand until then, but when he opened the main door she squeezed even tighter. Fear was overpowering her. She was worried if she began to panic now her body would give out again and she couldn't risk doing that to Draco. She had to stay focused on getting out. 

"Just a few more steps, Granger," he whispered. "Can you tell me where to take you?"

She knew she could technically give him the address, seeing as she was one of the secret-keepers for the residence, but she wasn't sure she could give that way just yet. The Order would probably condemn her for sure now. She couldn't risk it. 

"Just take me to the place we met. At the-at the park."

Just like that, the room spun out of existence and the park became clear. 

She felt like she could finally breathe again. 

But it was so open.

The panic was filling her lungs and everything was starting to go dark again. 

"Granger?" he called, successfully keeping her from the oncoming panic attack. "Granger, look at me." 

She looked back into his gray eyes. They were no longer cold and distant but full of care and concern. She continued to take deep breaths to slow the panic in her chest. 

"You're safe, now," he whispered. "Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?"

"Why are you being so nice to me?" she blurted out. 

He clenched his jaw again, obviously annoyed, but he vaguely answered the question. "Rape isn't something I support. Even us monsters have limits. Just answer my question. What can I do?"

His hardened demeanor was back and she didn't push it. She wanted-more like _needed_ -Severus but she didn't know how to entrust his secret to Draco, but she sure as hell couldn't go back to the Order like this without risking Draco either. 

"I need someone," she said. "He's-He can help me. I just can't tell you who it is until you swear to me you will not breathe a single word. I've trusted you so many times now blindly, but this I need your word for. Please."

"What do you want, Granger? An unbreakable vow? I won't tell a soul. It's none of my business, but if you want a vow I will do it," he replied hotly. 

"I won't make you vow to me, your promise is enough. I can't say the same for him, though." She sighed deeply before continuing, "I need you to get me Severus Snape."

Draco's eyes went wide and his mouth opened for a brief moment before he composed himself again. "Wait here and don't move," he said. 

It didn't take him long. He had Severus in tow in a matter of minutes. If nothing else, Malfoy definitely worked in a timely manner. Severus didn't look very happy, but he definitely wasn't angry either. In fact, he looked almost worried. 

"Hermione!" he called. "Draco filled me in on the events that occurred. What can I do?"

"I want to go home," she started to cry. "Malfoy can't take me there without them ripping him to shreds, but I can't go alone either. I think I need to be examined as well. Please help me, Severus."

Snape placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and rubbed circles to soothe her. "I will. I will take you, right now."

"Wait one second," Malfoy interrupted. "What the fuck is happening here? When did you two become so friendly?"

"Show me your arm," Snape voiced. "Make me a vow you will not speak a word of this and I will tell you what you need to know."

Malfoy extended his arm and Snape grabbed it almost as quickly. He pulled out his wand and Hermione watched as the fibers entwined them together. "Do you, Draco Malfoy, vow to keep my, Severus Snape's, secret? To tell no one unless given explicit permission?"

"I, Draco Malfoy, vow to keep your secret, Severus," he rolled his eyes. 

The magic bonded itself to them with a bright blue light and vanished away. 

"Satisfied, now?" he asked. "Just tell me."

"I have been working for the Order," Snape began. "A double spy if you will. My loyalties lie to the Order and them alone. My loyalty to the Dark Lord vanished long ago for reasons I do not disclose to anyone. I'm only telling you this because I know you to be a great occlumens as you are a legilimens. Now, if you'll excuse us, I need to get her checked out."

"One moment," Malfoy drawled. He stepped over to stand in front of Hermione and grabbed her hand. "I almost forgot to give this back to you. I took it from Greyback while he was-indisposed. It belongs to you."

He returned her wand, yet again. 

She wasn't sure why, but she was beginning to whole-heartedly trust Draco Malfoy. 

\--

They burst into Grimmauld Place in such a commotion that several members came running down the stairs with their wands drawn. 

"Calm down, the lot of you," Snape yelled. "I need to get Miss Granger examined immediately. Send Potter to me."

"No!" she gasped. "Please, I don't want him to see me like this."

"Don't fret, I'm merely sending him to get my things." The order members looked at the pair of them with questioning eyes but Severus was having none of it. "Go away--I'll update you soon. I have more pressing matters at hand!"

He carried her up the stairs to her rooms with such ease that under normal circumstances, she would have been impressed. Things being as they were, she was just thankful. He laid her gently on her bed and sat down beside her. Harry walked in and gasped at the sight of her. 

"I'm okay, Harry," she lied. "Severus just needs to examine me and make sure there's nothing needing prompt attention."

"Anything you need, Hermione. I'll do it," he replied. 

"Lovely. What I need for you to do, Potter, is to floo to my address and get my larger healing kit. It's on the table in the spare bedroom. Can you manage?"

Harry shot him a look of 'obviously I can manage' but didn't comment any further. He simply made haste back out of Hermione's bedroom. 

"I think I'm mostly fine," she spoke trying to fill the silence. "But I-I need a proper examination. I'm not worried so much about my cuts and bruises, but I have this that I am worried about."

She removed her arm from the cloak and let him see the carved slur that was starting to scab over. His face was unreadable but something about his aura made her aware that it wasn't good. 

"Was this the work of Mrs. LeStrange?"

"Yes," she told him. "She used some kind of silver knife. I didn't get a great look at it."

"I will do my best to heal it, Hermione, but I'm afraid it will leave a scar. She uses cursed knives. It's almost impossible to rid of."

The churn in her stomach made her want to vomit. She had hoped it wouldn't last forever, but knowing she'd be scarred made everything somehow worse. 

"I'm back!" Harry called from the doorway. Hermione quickly covered her arm back up, but he already saw it. "Merlin. What happened to you?"

"Not now, Mr. Potter," Snape intervened. "Thank you for retrieving my things, but I need to get to work. I will call for you when I've finished. If Hermione wishes she can tell you later."

Harry gave her a small smile before saying, "I'll be waiting, 'Mione," before closing the door behind him. 

"There's something else I need you to check," she paused, "and I would like to get it over with as soon as possible."

"Another curse?" he questioned. "As I said, I have some salve but it won't help much I'm afraid."

"No," she shook her head. "Draco informed you of what happened, yes?" He nodded gravely. "Before-before tonight I was a virgin. I hadn't taken part of any sexual activities. I know that some pain is normal, but I don't-I don't know if this is worse. I don't imagine it would feel like this during normal circumstances. I'm scared."

"Are you sure you wish me to examine you? I can get Madame Pomfrey to see to you, it's not a problem."

"No!" she yelled. "I trust you. I don't want anyone extra having to know or see me like this. Please!"

"Calm yourself. I don't mind to treat you, I simply wanted you to feel safe and comfortable," he drawled. "Do you want to be look at now?"

"Please," she said. "I don't want to wait any longer. The sooner I can move forward the better."

"As you wish." He stood from the bed and walked to the doorway. "I'll need you to disrobe from the waist down. I'll stand here and keep my back turned until you're ready."

"Severus?" she summoned. "I don't need to disrobe. This cloak is all I have and well-I can lift it up. They took my clothes, but Malfoy gave me this to cover myself enough to get here."

He didn't say anything as he approached her again. He positioned himself at the foot of the bed and summoned the end table closer to him so his kit could be within arms reach. 

"This should go without saying, but I want you to know that I am not doing this for any self-pleasure, nor will I touch you anymore than medically necessary. This is a very intimate matter and I'm only doing this because I consider you a friend and I'm willing to help you in any way I can."

"I understand. I know you think you're undeserving of it, but I do place my trust in you or else I wouldn't have asked," she sighed. "How do we begin?"

"Lay back and pull your robe up enough for me to see the area," he began. "Then I'll need you to open your legs. Again, I am only doing what is medically necessary."

She did as she was told and laid flat on the bed. She did her best to steady her breathing to slow the panic. With her legs spread she felt vulnerable again. She knew Snape would never hurt her, at least not intentionally, but everything about her situation made her want to die. She didn't know if she could keep living like she was. She tried not to think about Snape being that close to her intimacy, or how he constantly looked back at her with pity. She didn't want pity. She just wanted to be better. 

"You're going to feel me touch you now, Hermione. Just tell me if it gets too much and I will stop as soon as you say."

She heard the snap of the latex gloves he was putting on and she took a deep breath. She felt a warm hand lay on her inner thigh spreading her farther. "I know it's hard right now, but I need you to relax your legs so I can see."

She allowed her legs to open a bit more and she felt the touch of his hand on her vagina. She gasped at the sudden touch and he instantly stopped. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "You can keep going."

"It's quite alright, Hermione. I'm going to begin again. Just breathe."

She let her mind drift away again to happier memories. First seeing Hogwarts, her meeting Harry and Ron on the Hogwarts Express, and all her childhood memories. She knew she was disassociating, but she didn't care. She was just happy that she could remove her mind from what was happening around her. It was an escape. 

Eventually, he had finished and was removing his gloves from his hands. She felt him cast another scourgify on her vagina before he spoke up. "I'm finished, Hermione. You may cover yourself back up now."

Thankful, she spent no time in closing her legs tightly and wrapping her cloak around her again. She even slid under the covers for good measure. 

"You have some vaginal trauma I'm afraid but nothing too serious. You haven't torn anywhere. You _are_ intensely bruised but I will give you a salve to apply that will heal you in a couple days. I'd recommend taking hot baths as well," he said slowly. 

"What about the bleeding? I had so much blood on my thighs before Malfoy cleaned me off. Something must have torn."

"I apologize for my lack of eloquence here, but you said you were a virgin, yes? It is normal to bleed your first time. Especially in a matter such as yours," he replied. He stood up from the end of the bed and straightened out his robes. He looked at her with sad eyes but his expression would look calm as ever to anyone who didn't know him as well. 

"I'm sorry, I should have known that," she whispered. "I guess I should have been reading about sexual interactions instead of extra credit matters. I'm sorry I didn't know." 

She wasn't used to not knowing. She had always been able to find the answers to everything she needed with a book or a bit of research. The situation kept finding more and more ways to humiliate her. She had just never felt the need to read about losing her virginity. It wasn't even a thought. She hadn't planned on losing it any time soon, so she hadn't bothered to learn. 

"Do not apologize for this," Snape spoke slowly and angrily. "Nothing about this is your fault. Do you understand me?"

She nodded as the tears flowed silently down her cheeks. 

"I understand that the situation is fragile, Hermione, but I have one more question for you," he started. "Did he finish inside of you?"

"Yes," she meekly replied. She could still feel the sticky warmth as it pooled in her. "He did."

"Are you taking any contraceptives, muggle or magical?"

Her eyes went wide. Merlin and Morgana both. She hadn't even thought of the possibility she'd get pregnant. "No, sir. Am I-could I be pregnant?"

"It's very unlikely, Hermione, do not worry. I will cast the spell tomorrow morning to check." He pulled a blue vile and a red vile from his kit. He brought them over to her. "The blue is the magical equivalent of a plan b pill. It is your choice to make, but I wanted to offer. The red is contraceptive. I'll bring it to you monthly. For now, I'm going to run you a bath so you can soak and get some rest."

She downed both of the potions without a second thought. Severus emerged from her bathroom looking more worn than she realized a moment ago. "Thank you, Severus. I'm so grateful to you and I am indebted to you for your help. I know you say to stop apologizing but I am sorry that Malfoy found out your secret on my account. I hope you know I never intended it. I didn't know what else to do. I just needed someone I trusted. A friend."

"I am honored you felt you could come to me with such a private matter. You are not, nor will you ever be, indebted to me," he drawled. "Isn't that what friends are for?"

She walked her way over to the bathroom door and stood barely inches from him.   
Then she did the unthinkable.

She hugged Severus Snape. 

After a while she finally settled into her bath. Severus had really taken all measure to ensure her relaxation. He had spelled the water to stay warm, added lavender scents, and placed her washes beside the tub. She removed the cloak Malfoy gave her and let it fall to the floor. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and her mouth fell open. Her body was littered in marks and bruises. Tiny little abrasions from his fingernails. Her hair was even more wild than usual and had more knots. It would take ages to comb through. As she brought her hand to the bruise Malfoy gave her on her cheeks, she didn't even recognize herself. 

She tip-toed into the bath and slowly sank her body into the water. The water felt soothing over her sore body. Severus was right about that. The water felt cleansing to not only her body, but her soul as well. Her sanity felt like it was failing her lately. She knew when she left her parents behind to help Harry that the war would be hard. She knew that trauma was a side-effect of war. Yet somehow, she had never fully grasped what it would be like while living it. All the people she couldn't save, the hiding, all the nights she spent praying and hoping for change, and now, her assault. She hadn't prepared for any of it.

She sank further into the water and wondered what it would be like if she would just slip away. Her father had told her a story once about two children who could breathe under water for long amounts of time and every time they would submerge themselves in water, they would travel to a new world. She wondered if It could be the same for her. If all she had to do to feel whole again was to slip under the water and travel to a new world. A new life. Maybe one without war. 

So, she slid even further down until the water fully encompassed her head. She closed her eyes as she quietly sank into the peaceful oblivion. . .


	8. I Will Avenge My Ghost With Every Breath I Take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all!  
> This chapter is mostly filler, but it does contain some important info for later on.   
> I'm hoping to be able to post again Friday, but my schedule has been thrown way off with the quarantine and still working. 
> 
> ANYWAY.  
> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> the title is from: It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish by MCR.

The peacefulness was welcoming.

The unmistaken feeling of drifting farther away to an alluring calmness was one that she wanted to keep forever. For the longest time she felt bright. She had longed to feel like this for ages. Everything felt white and clean around her though she couldn't see. The water felt soothing and encompassing. She hadn't given much thought about afterlife, but she was sure that Heaven would feel something like that. All she could do was _feel_. There was just so much light.

Until there wasn't. It all went black and she felt like her lungs were on fire. They were burning from the inside out and she couldn't breathe. Her body despite the heat in her lungs went frigid. She was trembling from the chills or fear-she hadn't quite decided which. She wanted to scream for help but the pain in her chest was too much. It was all too much. Then suddenly, it all went black again. 

She opened her eyes and took in her surroundings. This wasn't her bathroom, it was her bedroom. She peeped under the covers and noticed she was fully clothed in new maroon pajamas. Had she forgotten leaving the bathroom? Over in the corner she saw Harry sleeping sitting up in her chair by the wardrobe. He looked worn and distraught even while sleeping. She reckoned they probably all did. Slowly, he began to stir and when his eyes met her questioning ones, he shot up and ran directly over to her bed. 

"Hermione!" he shouted. "You're alright!"

"How did I--?" she asked but was cut off abruptly by Harry's crushing weight on her. He hugged her so tightly she felt like every rib in her body was breaking. She briefly wondered how long she had been asleep. 

"You scared the hell out of us, Hermione. Snape and I came to check on you because you hadn't made any sound and when Snape finally unlocked the door--we thought it was too late."

His tears dripped down his face and for a split second she saw the small boy she met on the train to Hogwarts so long ago. His green eyes welled with tears and hair in a frenzy. She didn't see the strong man he was becoming anymore. It crushed her more than she wanted to admit to know that she was the cause for so much pain.

"I wasn't trying to do anything, Harry. I just wanted to slip under for a moment. I felt so dirty. So used. I just thought if for a second I could escape-- I'm so sorry."

"I know. He told me what happened with as little detail as possible. I promise you, I will make Greyback pay for what he's done to you. We just want you to be as okay as you can be. We love you, Hermione. We all do. Even Snape a little bit I reckon. You should have seen him."

"Harry, I-"

"No," he reasoned. "Let me finish this while I have the nerve. I've never seen him like that. He burst through that door and when he saw you I swear he lost composure more than I thought he was capable of. Then I realized why when I saw you, too. You were sunk under the water and your lips had starting to turn this weird pale blue. I thought you were gone. It took him over an hour to sort you out and we still weren't sure if you'd wake up. He wanted to be here to talk to you but he was summoned by Voldemort. I'm pretty sure he was about willing to cut off his arm to avoid it. And anyway, if you love him, I will support it. I don't get it but--"

She let slow tears frame her cheeks as he told his version of events. "I am so incredibly sorry to have put you both through that, Harry. It wasn't my intention. It was only meant to be for a second. I wanted an escape with some peace and quiet. I didn't mean for it to go this far. But I don't love Snape, Harry. He's more of a friend, maybe even a father figure to cling to right now, but that's all."

"I know you didn't mean to, Hermione," he yawned. "But if you did love Snape, I would support you. I want you to know that whatever choices you make, I will stand by them like you've stood by me. Just get some more rest for now. Your body has been through a lot. I'll be here in the chair if you need me."

"Don't be silly," she said. "You need to rest too and don't lie I can tell you're exhausted. We've been through hell together, Harry I think we can handle sharing this huge bed." She patted the space beside her and let him manourver himself to be sitting next to her. "Just please wake me if Severus returns."

When she awoke again it wasn't by Harry. He was still sleeping soundly beside her with no signs of waking. In fact, the only reason she started was because of the rapping from the window. It was gaining persistence and she didn't want to wake anyone else. So, she quietly and slowly slipped from the bed and tip-toed to the window. 

The same barn owl was sat perched on the outside looking quite irritated at having to wait so long. In its beak was another elegant piece of parchment. It had to be from Malfoy. She stuck her hand out and the tip of her finger was instantly bitten by the owl, but he gave her the letter anyway. She told him she was sorry she didn't have any treats this time but he wasn't insistent to stay. Obviously, he wasn't waiting for a reply. 

She opened it carefully:

**HG-**

**We need to talk.  
Same place.**

**DM**

She knew it was a horrendous idea. She knew she shouldn't go, she should inform Kingsley, but she didn't care. She scribbled a quick note for Harry, begging him to cover for her and she'd explain later, and snuck away into the night.

She arrived at the park no more than twenty minutes after receiving her owl and she saw his cloaked figure already sitting. She didn't walk up to him immediately. She stood back and watched him. She took in the way he fiddled with his hands and bounced his leg. He was nervous. She hadn't ever really seen this side to him before. He was always an enormous arse in school, flaunting his wealth and pureblood ideaoliges as if he owned the place. Now, he just seemed defeated. Like the façade he wore for so long was wearing off slowly. 

"Malfoy," she greeted. 

"Granger," he replied tapping the spot next to him on the bench. "Please, sit."

She took a quick look around to make sure they were alone before she sat. "You said you wanted to talk?"

He clenched his jaw and leaned his head back slightly to look at her. "I do. I'm just not sure where to start."

"I tend to find that the beginning is a nice place," she nudged. "Otherwise you'll spoil the ending."

"How are you doing this?" he asked, his face turning into a scowl. "How are you sitting here with me?"

Confused, she answered, "well, you asked me to meet so I slipped out of Grim-um, I left Harry a note that I'd be gone and I walked out the door."

"No, I mean how can you stand to face me? After what happened to you?" She didn't mention it, but she caught the tremble in his composure. His lip quivered as if he wanted to break down, but he held it back. He must get that from his Mother.

"You didn't do those things to me, Malfoy. That's not your burden to bear. You've saved my life at least twice now. And much as it shocks me to say this out loud, I _trust_ you. You've given me no reason to not meet with you," she reiterated. "I can assure you, I do not hold you responsible for the acts of others."

"I didn't stop them," he snapped. "You were being fucked against your will, stark naked, in my home might I add, and I didn't stop them. Merlin, Granger, you were begging me to do something. Even if you didn't say it with words, your eyes were begging me. You looked almost lifeless. Do you know what the feels like?"

She didn't answer right away. Instead, the chill of the night air on her skin made her emotions heightened and the tears fell heavy. "You couldn't have stopped them or else it would have been you in my place. I wouldn't wish that on any soul and most certainly not you." 

"For what it's worth," he whispered as a single tear fell from his gray eyes, "I'm sorry."

She shook her head at him. "Don't be. A wise man once told me to save my apologies for when it mattered. This? This isn't one of those times. You got me out. You've done enough."

When he didn't reply, Hermione slowly reached over and put his hand in hers. He startled for a moment, but he eventually relaxed. The warmth of his hand felt more like a promise somehow. It would be okay. 

"I brought you here because I need to tell you something," he said. "The Dark Lord isn't happy that you managed to escape from the Manor. He knows someone let you out and he's using legilimency to find out who. That's where Snape is."

Hermione let out a choked gasp. He couldn't find out his secrets or he'd be dead.

"Stop panicking," Malfoy calmed. "Snape is one of the best Occlumens of our time. The Dark Lord won't see anything that Snape doesn't want him to see. However, in order to do so, he has to manipulate memories and lie with the truth. That's how he's made it this far. My point is, The Dark Lord _will_ come for you. He feels he's been outsmarted by a mud-muggleborn and he won't stand for it. He will kill and use you as an example. Are you trained at Occlumency?"

"No," she told him honestly. "I have read about it but I haven't practiced it."

"You need to. It's my understanding that Snape is teaching you potions and basic healing, correct? Use a portion of those lessons to train. If the Dark Lord finds you-and he will-you will need it. If not to protect you, then at least use it to protect your friends."

"Why are you telling me this?" she questioned. "Can't you just warn me again?"

"No, Granger, I can't," he replied letting out a shaky breath. "Because I'm turning myself over to the Order in the morning. I'm a damned good Occlumens, but I have no way to manipulate all my memories with you and especially not at the speed the Dark Lord will be using to sort my memories. Snape has the advantage of double-spy for both sides, so he has reasons to have memories of you. I do not have that luxury."

"Are you insane?" she provoked. "They will rip you apart for information!"

"Not if I give it all willingly," he said. 

"And then what?" she pleaded. "When the war is over and the Light wins are you just going to strut your way into Azkaban without even a trial? Malfoy, you've never been self-sacrificing, don't start now."

"First off, I don't strut." He jerked his hand away from her and stood. "What exactly do you think I have waiting on me at the end of this, Granger? Do you honestly believe I will go back to my fancy pureblood Manor and ride off into the sunset on a thestral?"

"I'm trying to save you now! You've saved me countless times, that has to count for something. I'll speak for you and all the good you've done to save us. I'll speak to Kinglsey and do everything I can. If you turn yourself in now I can't help you!"

They were shouting now and she managed to cast a wordless Muffliato around them.

"And you think that will atone my sins? Tell me, which ones will they ignore? Do you think they'll overlook this mark?" He pulled up his sleeve to expose the inked flesh of his forearm. "Or, do you think they'll forgive me for allowing the Death Eaters inside Hogwarts to kill precious Dumbledore?"

She could feel his anger radiating off of him and she didn't even try to hide her tears. She had to help him somehow. She wouldn't let him give himself up. Not without a fight.

"Or do you think they'll forgive me for killing all the little mudbloods who were just like you? All the ones who believed they were just as powerful as me. Do you think they can overlook that? Because _I can't_."

She didn't even bother listening to the last of what he said. Of all the things he could have thrown in her face, using the word that was now permanently severed into her flesh was not something she could handle. Her rage overtook her. 

"How dare you call me that!" she cried. "You think your blood is so pure, Malfoy? Just how many people have you tortured? Killed?" She shook her head in anger, feeling the tension in her chest rising. "In the name of what, exactly? Your Dark Lord and his idiotic beliefs? All of those people who fell at your feet… Your blood is tainted from that alone. So, really, who's the mudblood now?"

"I never claimed to be a saint like your dear Potter!" He snapped back. "I have done what I had to do for my family to protect them and keep them safe. Don't act like you're so different. At least I've accepted my inevitable fate for my sins. I know what will become of me. We'll all die in this, Granger. So, tell me, when you've died fighting in this bloody war, who will avenge _you?_ "


	9. Let Me Take You to the Place I Lost My Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo!  
> I think it's safe to say that Friday updates are just....not a thing. I'm retracting my old statement and saying you get weekly updates.   
> Anyway, this chapter is a bit different than the others, but I hope you still enjoy it.  
> I still don't have a BETA so all mistakes are my own--I really try not to miss any. 
> 
> I want to say a special shoutout to jacpin2002 and kalich97 for being faithful commenters and readers during this <3 I appreciate it more than you know! 
> 
> Happy reading you guys!
> 
> This chapter title is from: There Are No Flowers in Heaven by SayWeCanFly. <3

She left.

She left Malfoy standing alone in the park at early morning and went directly back to Grimmauld Place. What was he thinking? How could he just give himself over to the Order? She crawled back in her bed next to a still sleeping Harry and contemplated what she could do to save him. She had never liked Draco, not really, but he had done so much for her lately that she couldn't ignore it. Whether she liked it or not, he was growing on her. The more layers she pulled away from his façade the more she liked who he truly was. Somewhere deep down, he might even be good.

Interrupting her thoughts, her bedroom door was creaking open followed by Snape's worn figure walking through. She knew what he had went through during the night thanks to Malfoy. She knew he must have been trusted otherwise he wouldn't have returned. He would be dead.

"Severus, I am so---" She tried to apologize but the words wouldn't come. Her choked sobs took over and she ran over to him, arms wrapping around him. "This is all my fault."

"Listen to me," he said. "I have suffered much worse. This is nothing a few potions can't fix. Are you okay?"

"No," she replied honestly. "I'm not because nothing is okay. In the past few weeks I have obliviated my parents, went into hiding, been captured by Death Eaters, raped, watched you suffer on my account, and now Malfoy wants to hand himself over to the Order to protect me. It's too much."

"What do you mean Draco is handing himself over?" He pulled away from Hermione's embrace to look questioningly at her. He didn't like to protrude in anyone's mind without permission. "What has he told you?"

"He sent me an owl to meet tonight, so I went. Especially since you hadn't returned yet. I thought something was wrong and I had no reason to not go. He was different, Severus. He seemed almost broken. He told me he was going to hand himself in to the Order to protect himself and me from You-Know-Who's legilimency. Then we had a big fight and--I have to help him, Severus."

"Draco? As in Draco Malfoy?" They both stopped in their tracks oblivious to the other person in the room. Hermione twisted her head around to see that Harry had woken and his face showed every emotion fluctuating across it. 

"Harry, you have to let me explain," she told him gently. "You can't make assumptions from hearing a portion of a story."

He rose from the bed and made his way over to where the pair were standing. "I told you I'd trust you and I keep my word. I'm not happy, but I'll listen."

They sat together and told Harry everything. Hermione gave her events in full honesty, while Severus did his best to add in pieces from his perspectives as well. The truth was, they didn't have to trust Malfoy or even like him, but she did. He had been her savior more than once and she would be damned if she didn't try her best to save him back. She had to have hope it would be okay. Otherwise, none of the war or anything she had suffered would be worth it. 

Harry never said anything. He asked a few questions in random places and nodded his head occasionally to show he was listening, but other than that Hermione wasn't sure if he was. She could tell he was trying for her sake, but all the pent-up rage he always harbored for Malfoy was still shining through just as bright. She didn't know what he thought, and she hated not knowing. When they finished telling Harry everything, he still never commented. 

The trio emerged from the room around mid-day when Moody sent a patronus to Harry calling for a meeting. Hermione felt a coldness in her body that something just wasn't right. She knew what it would pertain to and she wasn't sure if she was ready to come to grips with the fact that maybe she liked Malfoy more than she intended. She wasn't ready to lose him yet. 

"Settle down, you lot," Moody announced to the room of select Order members. "We have an issue to discuss. Early this morning we received word from Kingsley that we now have another informant from inside the Death Eaters."

Hermione grabbed onto Severus' arm but tried not to show any emotion on her face. She couldn't risk it. Moody was already skeptical enough of her allegiance. 

"We'll be collecting him this evening. We obviously have to interrogate him and make sure he isn't playing us before we can use him, but we need to make sure of his intentions. We have it on good authority that he will be fully cooperative. I'll be calling for volunteers to test this, however. Do we have any takers?"

"Who is it?" Hermione broke her vow of silence and everyone turned to look at her. She tried not to look unsteady but her voice betrayed her and cracked just a bit. 

Moody twisted one side of lips up in a smirk before replying, "The young Draco Malfoy."

"I'll do it," Harry said. "I'll question him. Merlin knows we never cared for each other, but I'll know when he's lying."

She silently thanked every God she knew of that she had a friend like Harry. She had given everything she had to help him and this war and here he was giving what he could right back. This was him saying it was okay. She wanted to wrap her arms around him but she'd have to thank him later. She had to be strong right now. 

"I will accompany Mr. Potter," Snape drawled. "I'll take polyjuice of course-one of my own making. I will be able to tell if he's lying about anything from the Death Eater side. I know the Dark Lord's plans, so if Draco lies about them--I will spot it."

"You won't be too close to this, will you, Severus?" Lupin stepped out from the corner and looked at him directly in the face. "Him being your godson and all?"

"If anything, that makes me more valuable to this situation. I have watched Draco grow up. I know what he does when he lies. I know how to read him. I'm merely volunteering. It's not my place if you choose to misplace your trust again. Merlin knows you lot have a knack for it."

She flinched at his words. That was low, even for Snape. She knew he was hinting at the death of the Potters, but if that's what it took to save Draco then so be it. They couldn't afford to focus on the past. Not right now. The Potters were gone, but they still had time to save more people. The war was far from over.

"Very well," Moody replied. "I'll send for you both when we're ready."

\---------

They got the summons to meet in the make-shift interrogation room around an hour or so after the meeting. The room was simple. A table with three chairs sat in the middle, one chair across from the others. The only decoration was the floral wallpaper they hadn't bother to change for the occasion. When Draco was first put into the room the pulse of magic made him uneasy. He knew the protection spells they'd have would be extensive, but he hadn't expected to feel them so fully. It was almost hard to breathe. 

He sat in his chair and watched as Potter and Snape were brought in. Not that he was supposed to know it was Snape, but he was polyjuiced into one of the muggles Draco was forced to torture back at the Manor. It was Snape's twisted way of letting him know to trust them. Snape had stepped in when Draco failed to kill the man and it was something only they knew of. Somewhere deep down, Draco allowed himself to have hope.

Potter didn't waste any time getting started. 

"So, Malfoy, I hear you're having a change of heart."

"It's flattering you think I have a heart, Potter."

"Call me an optimist," Potter replied, wearing his usual smirk. "Tell me, why should we take you into the Order?"

"What Mr. Potter means is what can you offer us?" Snape may have changed his outer appearance, but his demeanor was the exact same. Anyone with half a brain could have seen through it. 

"I don't have much to offer but information. Even that isn't very much but I am willing to give what I know. Just because I'm a Death Eater, that doesn't mean I'm a highly trusted one. I'm not as high-ranking as others. I'm mostly used for attacks seeing as I'm not good for much to them aside from combat."

"I find that hard to believe. Hermione punched you punched you once and you ran away like you were dying."

Snape's eyes flickered to Draco's for a moment. He'd have to tell that story much later. "Yes, well, Granger knows how to pack a punch as they say."

"Would you be able to tell us exactly when the attacks would be taking place and all the details before they happen?" Snape questioned. "I understand you warned us once before."

"Mostly," Draco retorted. "As I said, I'm not as high-ranking as some, but I do get briefed before they start the attacks, so I'll know what they plan. You can set me up with someone you trust to be my informant. We can find a secure location and meet there when I send for them."

"Do you really think you're calling all the shots here?" Harry asked. "If we do this, we do this _our_ way. I can't promise to have only one sole informant--if they're unavailable for any reason we'll still need the intel."

" _However_ ," Snape drawled. "We can make sure it's someone who already knows about you being our spy. We know, Moody, Lupin, Kingsley, and Miss Granger knows as well. You could have your choice from those option if the Order votes in your favor."

Draco didn't miss how Snape looked at him when he mentioned Hermione's name. 

"Very well. I'll take Granger. At least she has the competence to understand the urgency of the situation when it arises."

"You still didn't answer my question, Malfoy," Potter interrupted. "I want to know why you're switching sides. I want the truth."

"I need to protect those dear to me. A situation has come up that is going to prevent me from doing so. The Dark Lord is using legilimency to test who's being faithful. I found a way around it for now, but if he seeks to intrude my mind again it will be detrimental. Not just to me, but your friends as well."

Harry muttered something under his breath and acted like he understood the situation he told him but it couldn't be true. Not unless they told him. 

"Let us go talk to Kingsley. We'll be back in a minute, Malfoy. The room prevents any magic from being cast, so it's no use to try to leave."

The pair rose and exited the room almost as quickly as they entered. The room was eerily quiet and it made Draco uncomfortable. He knew he was doing the right thing to keep her safe, but if they didn't trust him (and Merlin knows he never gave them reason to) it would be in vain. He may as well walk them both side-by-side to the Dark Lord and let him avada them. It would be quick at least. He fought with his thoughts the whole time they were gone. 

He straightened himself in his chair when he heard the click of the door opening. He looked up, but only Harry returned. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel a twist in his stomach. Harry pulled his chair out and sat directly in front of Draco. 

"Look," Harry started. "Sna- my erm, friend is upstairs negotiating terms with the Order. We're doing everything we can to get them to trust you."

"Don't worry, Potty. I know Snape is your 'erm, friend' as you so eloquently stated. I _know_." He had to be careful which words he chose so he wouldn't break his vow to Snape. 

"I had to sneak away to talk to you privately. It's going to take a lot of convincing. I don't know how long they'll keep you in here. Snape is vouching for you, though, so you better not be playing games here."

"Trust me, Potter. This isn't a time to be playing the school-yard bully anymore. I know what I've done and will have to do. I know I have done nasty, terrible things but I just want it to mean something when it's over." He took a deep breath. "I'm trying to not be a monster."

"She told me, you know." Harry tilted his head to make Draco have eye contact. He wanted to look in his eyes. "You saved her. You didn't have to, yet you did. That's something I will never be able to repay you for. She's my family and I would die for her. I wanted to say thank you."

Draco held up his hand. "Don't thank me. You don't know what she went through. You didn't have to _see_ it with your own eyes. I didn't do enough. I should have done so much more."

"Just…why? Why did you do it?" Harry sounded a bit sullen and like he was choking back tears. Truth be told, so was Draco. 

"Because I love her, you idiot."

Shock. That's what the room felt like. They both went still and eyes wide at his confession. He hadn't meant to let it slip out like that and never intended for Potter of all people to know. He waited for a punch or a hex to hit him, but it never came. Harry just nodded his head and extended his hand. 

"Don't tell me you're afraid to shake my hand, Malfoy. Not after all this."

Draco stumbled but grabbed his hand firmly anyway. It may have been a few years later, but he felt like he finally got the handshake he was owed from when they were eleven. His eyes welled up and for a moment, he actually liked Potter.

"Promise me you won't tell her. She can't know. Not like this."

"Should we make a vow?" Harry offered. "I won't tell her, you have my word, but I know trust isn't our strong-suit."

"No. No vows. Just-tell her you took one. I don't fancy the idea of you lying to her, but this is to keep her safe. There's more I need to tell you…."

\----------

It had been hours since they called for Harry and Severus to question Draco. 

Hermione spent every second pacing her rooms and praying that the Order wouldn't have him killed and trying to think of a plan to see him. She knew Kingsley would never allow it if she merely asked. Not after she kept their meetings a secret. She could maybe appeal to Lupin, but she wasn't sure that would have been enough leverage either. She was at a loss.

"Hermione?" 

She turned around to see Harry approaching her. He looked tired and sad. As if he had been harboring too many secrets for too long. His hair was a usual mess, but his eyes were red from tears. _What happened?_

"How did it go?" she asked, unsure if she wanted the answer.

"I trust him. I can't tell you what he told us-we swore vows, but I got enough that the Order finds him useful. They voted to keep him as a spy for us. It's okay, Hermione. He's safe."

She fell to the floor and broke down in sobs.


	10. All This Devotion Was Rushing Over Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!  
> I am SOO sorry for the delay. I ended up tearing my cornea and having to have a minor surgery so I had to limit screen-time, then I developed the stomach virus. It's been a rough time.  
> I'm recovering thankfully so I'm ready to get back to this!
> 
> This chapter is short BUT it's worth it. I PROMISE.
> 
> I also promise to get back to business and I'll probably be posting again in just a few days to make up for the time off.
> 
> ANYWAY, happy reading!
> 
> Chapter title is from:  
> Never Let Me Go by Florence + The Machine

It took Harry hours of convincing the Order that Malfoy wasn't a threat so Hermione could see him. She knew where he was being kept and she would have gone even if they had told her no, but she reckoned that maybe asking permission wouldn't be a bad place to start earning their forgiveness. She knew they probably didn't trust her-not that she could blame them, but she still hoped. It's probably why she was so shocked to hear that she was in fact granted permission to see him. She wasted no time however on running out of the room and straight for him. 

Harry warned her of the condition they had him in. They hadn't worked out all the details of where to keep him hidden yet, so he was staying in the wine-cellar-turned-dungeon. They weren't in the habit of running a five-star resort and even if they were Hermione doubted that they'd give ex-Death Eaters the best suite. Even if said ex-Death Eater was going to give them invaluable information. She kept a brisk pace as she walked down the cold, concrete stairs. She had to see him and her heart fluttered at the thought of finally being able to. 

Finally, she came to the room he was being held in and whispered the incantation to unlock it. She heard the sound of the sliding metal and the tell-tale clank of it falling to the wooden door. She closed her eyes and took a breath before she pulled it open. The room was pitch black as the door closed behind her and she couldn't tell where she was walking. She only had the sliver of light from under the door and for a passing moment, she thought she had been set up to be imprison herself. She wouldn't have put it past them.

"Draco?" she whispered. "Draco, where are you?"

" _Lumos_." The room lit up and she shielded her eyes from the sudden adjustment. "Granger?"

She blinked open her eyes and saw him sitting on a cot in the corner of the room. He didn't look particularly awful, but he definitely looked worse for wear. His gray eyes had lost all light behind them and his hair was a right mess. If he could see himself he'd probably have a massive coronary at his unkept state. He had dark circles beneath his eyes from stress and Hermione ached to trace her fingers over his cheeks. 

Instead, she threw herself at him, engulfing him in her arms as she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. "Draco, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to be so nasty to you."

He didn't reply at first. He simply wrapped his arms around her and attempted to soothe her by tracing his hands up and down her spine. For a man who was so good with words he never quite knew how to use them when it mattered. 

"You meant exactly what you said. There's no use in apologizing for speaking your truth. If you're seeking my forgiveness, you have it. You'll always have it. Besides, I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. I said some nasty, unforgivable things and I don't expect your forgiveness, but I want you to know I do deeply regret what I said."

She nuzzled a little closer into him, taking in his scent and his warmth before pulling away to see him clearly. 

"We both said things in the heat of the moment, Draco. It's-we can't pretend like we've been on the same side. It would be stupid to think so. We were raised differently with different ideals and we obviously haven't worked through them yet. Just because you have a moment of anger and say hurtful things doesn't mean I stop caring about you."

"I don't deserve your kindness."

His face fell into a solemn sadness and she longed to wipe it away. She grabbed onto his hands and held them tightly. She knew his hands had done some terrible things. They had killed, tortured, and who knew what else. But in that moment, all she could feel was all the good they had also done. Those hands had saved her countless times, picked her up when she had broken, and had covered her from harm. In that moment, she realized that not everything is black and white. The gray areas were far more encompassing and that even though she had fought so long to deny it-she loved him.

"You do," she began as he shook his head at her refusing to meet her eye. "You _do_. I'm not naïve, nor stupid. I know the things you've done. I'm choosing to forgive you anyway. I'm choosing to look past the wrongs we have both done and move forward. Draco, I'm choosing you."

The realization flashed on his face and his eyes seemed to find the light in them again. Before she could come to her senses she felt his mouth collide with her own. His mouth melted with hers like a prayer. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled him in closer. She kissed him back with such emotion she felt like she was finally understanding true magic. His hands entangled in her hair and she never wanted the feeling to end. Her heart was pounding, her stomach filled with butterflies, and her eyes with joyful tears. 

She pulled away with a gasped breath and smiled up at him. The corner of his lips turned up in the faintest of smiles as he pressed his forehead to hers. "What are we doing, Granger? Have we gone mad?"

"I think you've earned the right to call me Hermione," she laughed. "We're not mad. Though, according to _Alice's Adventures_ all the best people are."

He looked at her confused but she just laughed again at her own inside joke. 

"I don't know what we're doing," she told him truthfully. "I just know it feels right and that's enough for me."

He nodded, pressing another kiss to her forehead. "It's enough for me, too."

"I don't have long here, Draco. I was only supposed to come check on you for myself and keep it brief. The higher members of the Order are skeptical of me after hiding our encounters from them, so I don't know how often I'll see you. Harry is pushing to have me as your go-to, but like I said, they doubt my loyalties when it comes to you. I have an idea, though, but I need you to trust me now. Can you do that?"

"Of course," he replied. "I think it would be silly not to given the circumstances."

She smiled. "You said before you didn't have an excuse to keep seeing me if You-Know-Who breached your shields. I think I have a plan for that. When they release you from here, you need to see him immediately. Tell him that I'm coming to his side but I can't risk taking the mark due to the Order. Tell him I can be like Snape-only with more information. I'm the Golden Girl, after all."

"You really have gone mad," Draco tensed. "I trust you, but I am not about to offer you up on a golden platter to that man. He'd break you in minutes and that's if he even let you live to begin with. There's no guarantee he'd go for it."

"That's why you have to talk to him first without me present. It would give you an out and a way to distort the memories of me."

He shook his head again. "I won't have you in danger in my home again. I won't allow it."

"Then don't," she pleaded, cupping his face with her hands. "Keep me safe by working with me on this. He won't touch me if we're together. You'll always be with me. I know it's a lot to ask, but at least think about it? Please?"

"I'll think about it, but I make no promises."

"Thank you." She pressed a final kiss on his lips before walking towards the door. "I have to go, but I'll be back soon, I promise."


	11. Starless Eyes for Heaven's Sake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, loves!
> 
> I want to apologize for the delay. I've had a lot of issues with my cut cornea and had a lot of doctor appointments, specialists, and now a scheduled surgery. 
> 
> I also apologize that this is a SHORT chapter, but I wanted to get something out for you all. I've been writing so the next chapter will be out soon. VERY soon.
> 
> Again, I am so sorry for the delay. I am forever grateful for you all reading this. <3
> 
> Title is from:  
> This is the Best Day Ever-My Chemical Romance

"Are you mad, woman?!" Severus shouted from his side of the room. Hermione had just told him her plan and needless to say, it wasn't going as well as she had hoped. 

She let him have a minute longer to process the information she had given him before she opened her mouth to comment further. He was standing over his cauldron-teaching her an antidote for poison-and she was certain if he wasn't happy with her proposal now, he'd be less so If the potion went awry.

"I'm not, Severus," she retorted calmly. "You and I both know it's the easiest way to get Draco through this unscathed. He's essentially a sitting duck right now unless we have a plan and this is the best we've got. Even you can't deny that."

He acted as though he was ignoring her, stirring his cauldron three full rotations before even lifting his head, but she knew he was taking in her words. "You know as well as I that You-Know-Who won't go easy on him, especially after having his own suspicions already. I'm not doing this to be a thorn in your side if that's what you're thinking. I want to save him like he has done for me."

"Do not assume to know my mind, Hermione," he snarled. "The Dark Lord will not go easy on you. You are a concern as well in this. He won't let you into his circle unless you have proven yourself of use. You don't know Occlumency, so tell me, what will happen when he sees this very conversation? What will happen when he sees your _true_ feelings for young Draco?"

She knew about that already. Did he think she was stupid? She would be risking a lot to get into his graces, but she had already been reading up on Occlumency and surely she could at least buy herself some time if nothing else. She just needed one meeting with Voldemort and she'd be able to figure out the rest later. For all they knew they'd turn her down anyway.

Still, she knew that if she failed her fate would be decided with Draco's. One slip and they'd both be dead. She never wanted this weight on her shoulders but since it was there she had no choice but to try to lift it and find a solution. This was the only thing she could do. 

"All I need is a meeting, Severus," she breathed. "I'm not asking you to be okay with it. I just need someone to back Draco up on this. Maybe tell him you've seen my trust breaking with the Order- _anything_. I'm going to do this with or without your help, but without will be much harder. Please."

She grabbed his hand from across the table and let her large brown eyes meet with his. She could see the reluctance in them. She hated being the cause of so much pain. She had suffered so much herself she didn't like the thought of being the one to inflict it on others. She reminded herself that it was war, and that meant doing things you didn't like for the greater good. 

"I will make no promises. I will defend you but I can't promise outcomes."

"Thank you, Severus. That's all I'd ever ask of you."

She gave him a quick squeeze on the shoulder before she walked toward the door. 

"I have one condition, though," he spoke again. "You must learn Occlumency. I do not have the extra time to teach you anymore than I already am so you must have Draco teach you. That is essential."

"Will the Order trust him to teach me? I had to pull every string I knew of to get a few visits."

"I will make it so. They aren't in a position to deny my requests and they know it."

"I'm not sure what I did to deserve you as a friend, but I am so thankful for our friendship, Severus. Sometimes I feel you're the only one who understands." 

Hermione sent him a small smile and exited the room. For the first time in her life, she didn't know what to do. If Voldemort didn't believe her, she had no plan. No other options. Her whole life-and the whole of the Wizarding World as they knew it-was riding on this. She hadn't told Harry or Ron her plan yet and it made her anxious to think about. Severus had been one thing, but her family (for all intents and purposes) would be another. 

As she made her way to her room, she saw the pair of them sitting in the library playing a game of wizarding chess. Now or never, she thought to herself. 

"Hello," she greeted cheerily. "I still don't understand how you both can play this after first year. I thought Ron was dead for sure."

"Oi, 'Mione, let's not belittle my most heroic moment," Ron laughed. "Besides, you both would have been dead if it wasn't for me."

"Don't sell yourself short, Ron," Harry cut in. "You carried a murderer in your pocket for the better part of your childhood. That's pretty badass in itself."

They fell into a small fit of laughter like they hadn't in ages. For a moment, things felt normal. It was like it was just the three of them laughing by the crackling fire and enjoying each other's company like they used to do at the Burrow. They shared stories for hours and reminisced of their fondest memories of Hogwarts-even some of the ones they'd rather forget. 

"Speaking of heroic acts and stupid plans," Hermione said. "I have something to tell you both. I'm meeting with You-Know-Who."

The pair of boys spluttered inaudible words with their mouths agape but neither of them could form anything more than an expletive toward her.

"What the hell do you mean you're meeting with him?" they asked in unison.

"It's to save Draco. I have a plan to tell him that I'm switching sides. You-Know-Who has been using Legilimency to find who betrayed him and the second he breaches his mind he will see it was Draco that saved me. I can't let him take the fall for saving me. So, I'm going to meet with him and do my best to get us out of this alive."

"You can't sacrifice yourself, Hermione. Not for this." Harry tried to hide the crack in his voice but cleared his throat instead. "I know you love him-don't look like that, Ron-but you can't just die for him."

"As opposed to dying for the cause?" she asked. "People die in wars all the time, Harry. If I have to die for something I'd at least like a say in why. If this is it at least I'm trying to save his life. That has to mean something. I'd rather die a martyr than a victim."

"We support you, 'Mione," Ron whispered. "I might not get it, but I won't stop you either. If you love the prat-save him."


	12. I'm Thanking You for Giving Me A Soul to Save

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I say I'm sorry for the delay, will you forgive me?  
> Things have been hectic, horrible, and honestly I didn't have much creativity in me.   
> My eyes have gotten worse with tearing and it's so painful and draining. 
> 
> I will finish this, don't worry. I have still been working on it--just in smaller increments. 
> 
> So, here's to chapter 12<3
> 
> The title is from: One by Lewis Capaldi.

It was cold, dark, and foggy.

It was almost as if night had fallen early on the grounds in Wiltshire. 

The gates leading up to the Manor were so tall Hermione wondered if they could ever be torn down. The Dark Lord had accepted her request to meet, accompanied by Draco, but she wasn't allowed to apparate inside the gates, so they got as close as they could. Draco was able to open the gates with his blood being part of the wards, but it still felt unwelcoming. 

"Are you sure about this, Hermione?" he asked her. "Once I open these gates there is no turning back and you will be at his mercy. He's enabled the anti-apparation wards and we won't be able to get out unless he allows us to do so." 

She looked down at the gravel below her feet and steadied herself. "I'm positive. We have to do this. I have to do this in order to keep you safe. I have no other viable options, Draco." 

"I need you to know that whatever happens… I don't blame you. Okay? I am a fully-willing participant in this. Even if he strikes me dead on the floor, this wasn't your fault. Understood?" 

The air had been taken from her lungs but she nodded nonetheless. It was all she could bring herself to do in acknowledgement. The thought of Draco being taken from her so soon was too much for her to bare in that moment. She had so much to focus on that she tucked that safely in the back of her mind for the time being. 

He cupped her face gently with his hand. His light eyes locked with hers, searching for a reason to not go inside. Any reason to not escort her through the halls of the Manor to undoubtedly the beginning of her death sentence. He dropped his hand and began to guide her into the Manor. She felt the chill and knew whatever happened next would decide their fate… 

Inside the Manor, they entered the drawing room where Voldemort was sitting on a throne-like chair, his minions surrounding him. Hermione was just thankful they weren't in the same room as before. She didn't know how brave she would have been then. She cast a quick glance over to Draco and noticed he had put on a new demeanor. His hard features were back and emotionless. She took a deep breath before she entered behind him. 

"My Lord," Draco greeted with a bow. "I have the mudblood here to speak with you." 

"Ah, thank you young Draco," he hissed. "Your servicesss shall be rewarded in due time. Step to the side. We have much to discusss." 

She instantly felt cold and helpless when he stepped away from her to stand with other Death Eaters. She caught a glimpse of Severus in the corner and she felt hard to breathe. She didn't know he would be here in the room as well. 

"Tell me, Miss Granger," Voldemort said, "why you have asked to meet with me? And to have such ssssecrecy." 

She swallowed hard. "I wish to switch sides, My Lord. I know a lost cause when I see one and I would like to be on the right side of history." 

There were several gasps and hushed whispers from some of the others in the room. She assumed most of it was disbelief, but a few snarled lips also confirmed a lot didn't believe her. Not that she blamed them. She tried to count the math in her head if they tried to attack. It would be a statistical anomaly if she made it out alive in that scenario. 

"A muggle-born such as yourself wants to support blood purity?" he questioned. "Forgive me, but I find such a thing to be unbelievable." 

"I am more than aware of my blood-status, sir. However, I am also well-aware of my worth." She was beginning to find her Gryffindor courage and bravery and wasn't going to let up. "I am the Golden-Girl, the brightest witch of our age, and I had top marks in all of my classes. I might be a _mudblood_ but I am powerful. I am an asset." 

From the moment she entered Hogwarts, she knew she would have to fight harder than the rest of the class simply because of being a muggle-born. She was so afraid that if she didn't do well it could somehow be taken from her. She had always loved to learn and expand her knowledge so it was no hardship to work as hard as she had, but she now knew it made her valuable. Even Voldemort couldn't deny that. 

"A witch who knows what she wantssss," Voldemort laughed. "You do trust that I can't just take your word for it. I must peak into your mind. Young Draco has assured me that you were offering information as well. I must sssseee if it's worth it." 

"I had assumed as much," she replied almost aggravated. She had been practicing Occlumency with Snape for weeks now and it was as solid as she could get it on short notice once Voldemort agreed to meet. She had decent walls built up, but altering the memories were trickier. She just hoped it would be enough. 

"Very well then," he replied. " _Crucio!_ " 

She felt the blinding hot pain flow throughout her body, but just didn't even register when she hit the floor. The pain was so overwhelming that she couldn't see. She couldn't focus. All she could feel was heat. As if she were being burned from the inside out. She clawed at her throat and scratched at her skin, desperately trying to stop the pain. 

When she came to, she still couldn't see clearly. Everything was blurry. She could feel herself being pulled up by some force, but she couldn't tell who it was. She vaguely felt a wand at her throat and she knew better than to fight. 

"Tsssk, tsssk, mudblood," he shook his head. "Did you really think you could defy me? I am the greatest wizard of all-time. Did you really think I would enter your mind carefully? That would be too easy for you to hide behind. A ssssimple Crucio blocks your focus and I can enter your mind without hindrance." 

Her mind was spinning but she couldn't focus. What had he seen? 

"Young Draco, come forth. I need to see if your memories are the same while I send the mudblood with Severusss. He will further investigate if what she is saying is true from the Order." She wanted to fight and break free to spare Draco from what she just endured, but she couldn't. She thought that pain was worse than the torture. 

As Severus guided her out, wand still at her throat, she briefly heard Draco's screams… 

Severus apparated her away and she was in a room she didn't recognize. It was small, dusty, and filled with books. The light barely shown in from the windows and it was musty. A small fire was burning in the fireplace and it almost made the rest feel homey. 

"Where are we?" she gasped for air as she spoke. Her throat still felt like it was on fire. 

"This is my home," Severus replied, leading her to the stained couch. "Sit. You're safe here, Hermione." 

She didn't have the energy to stay standing even if she wanted to. 

"I will have to enter your mind, Hermione, but I won't stay. Just for a moment to get the memory for the Dark Lord. The rest I can manipulate. Are you ready? I have to be fast." 

She barely nodded. She trusted him, but she didn't care anymore. She wanted it to be over. How much more would she have to endure? She felt the sensation in the back of her head, almost as if a fly was floating around in there. It was very gentle, but still sore from the effects of before, and almost as quickly as it arrived, it was gone. 

She let out a breath and started to shake a little. "Is he okay?" 

"I can't say for certain, but he has endured much more than this before. I'm sorry, Hermione. I wouldn't have wished this for you." 

She broke into sobs. Her pain she could live with. She had been living with it for weeks because she had to. She was expecting it. What she couldn't bare was knowing the pain Draco was enduring and there was no way for her to fight it. She only prayed that their shields held. 

"Drink this," Severus provided. It was a tea, she knew, but knowing Severus it probably also contained some sort of discreet healing potion. She didn't question it. Just took it and proceeded to sip it. 

"Thank you," she said. "Do you-Do you think the shields held okay? I tried so hard, but I couldn't focus on it. The pain, the heat… it was just too much. I feel so drained. I'm not even sure if I could stand right now." 

"I have no way of knowing if the shields held. I couldn't penetrate your mind while he was in there or I would have felt the effects of the curse as well. I do feel confident that if he had suspicions he would have killed you where you stood. Myself and Draco included, I'd imagine." He placed his hand over her trembling ones to hold the teacup steady. "There is no use in fretting the unknown. We'll inevitably face what happens as it comes. Together." 

"How will we know if Draco succeeded?" she yawned. Her body was so close to deprivation she didn't know how long she'd make it. 

"He knows my address. I am certain he'll make himself known when he can. For now, get some rest. I'll watch over you in the meantime." 

She laid down and let her eyes flutter closed and she momentarily felt the weight of a blanket being thrown over her. She welcomed the warmth and promptly drifted off to sleep. 


	13. I Heard You Crying So Quietly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you all I'd do better.   
> As a matter of fact, I think I can go back to regular updates.   
> (unless my eyes decide to mess up again)  
> also, my french isn't up to par, so from this point forward, when there is french I will do my best to triple check, but i think im safe this time. (:
> 
> anyway, thank you all for reading.   
> it truly means a lot.  
> <3  
> thank you from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> The title is from: Heard You Crying by Michael Shulte

When Hermione woke up, her eyes were matted with dried tears and she felt disoriented. The weight of previous events came rushing back into her mind making her feel ill. She felt more violated than ever before. She so desperately wanted to go back to a time when exams were the worst of her worries. Before she knew the horrors that would come along with such a beautiful, magical, world. She was desperately missing her family, even if they'll never be able to miss her back. She longed to hold them. She missed her friends. Everything was changing so rapidly and she couldn't hold on.

The door to the room she was currently residing in creaked open, jarring her from her thoughts. She looked up to the doorway and saw a worried Snape peaking in.

"How are you feeling, Hermione?" he asked. "I have some pepper-up potion on the nightstand for you, and another potion of my creation for your head." 

"Thank you," she meekly replied. "I'll take them in a moment. How long was I sleeping for? I only meant to nap on the sofa." 

"Nearly two days. I levitated you to the bed so you'd be more comfortable. Your body needed to recuperate. Magic can only heal so much." 

"Two days?!" she shrieked. "What about Draco? Has he came by?" She jerked the covers away from her and shot up from bed, but collapsed to the ground almost immediately. 

"Don't worry, Granger," his familiar drawl came from behind Snape rushing to her side. "I'm here. Don't worry." 

Hermione clutched onto him like a final hope. She had been worried about him. She leaned back and tried to take in his features. His normal hard features were now drained and hollow. He looked beaten and defeated. She wondered what Voldemort had seen, but she couldn't find it in her to ask just yet. He gently placed his arms around her and hoisted her back to the bed. 

"Up you go, love," he said. "You need to rest. You're not conditioned to withstand the torture the Dark Lord uses. Just lay here a bit." 

"I slept for two days. I'm fine. I'll take these potions and be fine. Besides, I'm fairly certain you had to withstand more than I and you are still standing." 

He chuckled as he shrugged but didn't deny it. "I'm used to it." 

"At least lay with me while we talk? I promise to take my potions and stay awake." 

"If you insist," he replied. He took the two vials from the nightstand and brought them around to her side of the bed. He placed the vials one by one her to lips and let her sip them before he crawled in beside of her. "Are you comfortable?" 

She snuggled into his side and placed her head on his chest to hear his heartbeat. It grounded her. It gave her something to cling to and stop the world from spinning out of control. "What did he see?" 

"I can't be too sure," he whispered. "I did my best to conceal the real memories and replace bits but there were moments that the torture was too much and I could feel myself slipping. I know he was looking for a spy. He obviously suspects me, but my main priority was to protect Snape. If I have to atone for my sins, so be it. But he's too good of a man to have to pay for his." 

"You can't sacrifice yourself for me, Draco," Snape called as he re-appeared. "I am not a nice man, but it is kind of you to think so. Much like you, I joined the Death Eaters willingly. I wanted so badly to be appreciated for my talents, to be seen. Truthfully, if the Dark Lord hadn't went after Lily, I can't say for certain I wouldn't still be in full-support. Despite it all, she was my friend even if I was no longer hers. If I die paying for the horrid things I've done, I deserve no less." 

Hermione remembered the night Harry told her and Ron about Snape loving his mother. Snape had come to him to explain himself in case something happened. Maybe so he could die with a clearer conscience. The three of them drank fire whiskey until the early hours of the morning. It wasn't mentioned again. 

"We all deserve more than we're likely to get," Hermione answered. "I used to believe that as long as I was a good person I wouldn't suffer. I wouldn't be faced with the horrors that others deal with. I wouldn't be on a losing side of a war in which I was the light. But, it's not about that. We all suffer. We just have to decide if what we're suffering for is right. It's not about being good or bad, being sinners or saints, The Order or Death Eaters. We all suffer in the end." 

"It's not fair to you," Draco said. "Hell, it isn't fair to Potter either. None of this was. He was a baby and the Dark Lord set out a vendetta for him. He never even knew. He was just thrown into being the fucking savior." 

"Using that logic, Draco, you had no choice in the matter either," Snape huffed. "Your father made these choices for you. I watched as you were brain-washed into this person you weren't." 

Silence fell across the room and Hermione thought if she listened hard enough she could hear their eyelashes when they blinked. They were all scared. Nobody knew what would happen next. 

"What have you told the Order?" she asked. "About where I am?" 

"They know you are with me," he said. "They don't know the extent of the mind torture you endured but they know it happened. They didn't owl back." 

She wasn't shocked. Her lip quivered threatening to let tears fall out, but she fought. She at least thought Harry would have checked on her. Draco's arms around her became tighter, holding her as close as he could. 

Instantaneously, Snape grunted and clutched his forearm. Hermione sat up quickly and Draco scrambled to him. "It seems I am being summoned. Both of you wait here. Do not come for me. Understood?" 

They barely had time to nod their heads before he was being pulled away. 

Hermione sat there in a stunned silence. Would he be tortured on her account as well? The tears started to fall and she didn't try to stop them. 

"I heard you crying in your sleep," Draco said. He wiped her tears from her cheeks with his sleeve and pulled her into him. "I apparated directly here after… well, after I could find my bearings. You were in here asleep and I couldn't-I couldn't get to you because Snape forbid me to get anywhere near you. He told me you had to sleep it off, but I could hear you crying. I would have done anything to have stopped it. I still would. You shouldn't have to bear this kind of pain, Hermione. But since you have this pain, share it with me. Don't carry it yourself. Lean on me." 

Hermione looked into his gray eyes and saw tears of his own. She knew he'd carry her however he could and she would do the same. In that moment, that's all that mattered. 

She placed her lips on his, soft and gentle. It wasn't rushed, it wasn't sexy. It was just love, comfort, and healing. It was everything. 

She broke away only for a moment to smile up at him. He united their lips once more and deepened the connection. His hands locked into her hair and she found solace in the way her arms slotted perfectly around him. She gently pushed him back onto the pillows and crawled into his lap. Her brain just kept screaming, "more!" and she couldn't find it in herself to stop. She didn't care that she was a mess. Her hair was most likely wild, her face tear stained, but she didn't care. She just needed him. 

She lifted her shirt over her head and tossed it to the side. Draco looked stunned for a split second but recovered quickly. He slid his hands up her back, feeling her skin under his palm. Tracing her spine with his fingertips, he then unhooked the metal holding her bra on and gently removed it. Hermione's breath caught in her throat, but Draco was looking so enamored by the sight before him that she found her confidence. She grabbed his hands and brought them to her breasts. He gave them a gentle squeeze and pinched her nipples ever so slightly and Hermione gasped. 

"Are you sure about this? Are you ready?" 

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," she replied collapsing their lips back together. They kissed for a bit but she still needed more. She wanted to feel alive. She felt him hardening beneath her as she slid his shirt above his head. She ground her hips against him in doing so and a breathy moan passed his lips. She slid down, removing his pants and trousers, revealing his mostly hard member. He looked down at her, questioning again if she was sure but she never faltered. She grabbed his length in her hands and began to pump him slowly. His head fell back as she tugged and she felt herself dampening more. The want in her core was rising and she was ready, so ready. She slowly licked down his shaft and took him into her mouth. He let out the breath he was holding, almost a grunt and it made Hermione absolutely wanton. She loved that he was feeling this for her. That she was able to make him come undone. 

She sucked and licked until she was able to take him in completely. She watched as his abs would tighten when she hit that perfect spot for him. His normally perfected hair was tassled and messy, his eyes no longer cold, just full of wonder. 

"You have to stop," he breathed. "I don't want to finish like this. I want to feel you. Can I?" 

Hermione grinned up at him, "Take all of me, Draco." 

She removed her pants and underwear for him wasting no time. She was ready. Draco slid his hand between her thighs right for her. He circled his fingers over her clit and could feel how wet she already was for him. His fingers felt like heaven. She was so close to a climax already and she didn't want to stop it. He slipped two fingers gently inside of her and she yelled out in pleasure. He stopped for a moment to make sure she was okay, but continued as she began to ride his hand. "Please don't stop, Draco." 

A sly grin crossed his face as he pumped harder into her. She was so close to the edge and all she wanted was to fall. He brought their lips together and his tongue gliding into her mouth was just what she needed to be pushed. 

"Oh, Draco!" she cried out. His fingers became soaked with her juices and he quickly removed them. She didn't like the emptiness she felt, but she wanted more still. 

"Please, Draco," she begged. 

"What do you want? I'll give you everything." 

"I just want you," she replied. She climbed back on top of him and started to guide his length into her. He gripped her hips trying so hard to stay still and not pump into her yet. His grip was almost painful but she didn't mind. She leaned down to kiss him as he bottomed out inside of her. She felt her magic tingle and it was the most beautiful and serene feeling she had ever experienced. She almost swore she could feel his soul in hers. 

After a moment of adjustment she began to ride him, up and down, up and down until she found her rhythm. She leaned back onto his thighs and the angle was perfect. He was coming undone beneath her and she loved every second of it. She loved the way her breasts felt as they bobbed up and down with her movement, the way her sex was squeezing around his length filling her full. She loved it all. 

She felt him hit the most glorious, sensitive place and she she toppled over the edge once more, crying out for him. "Oh Draco!" Her sex was spazzing on him, her muscles convulsing as she came. 

"Hermione, I'm so close. I'm going to cum," breathed Draco. "You feel too good." 

"Yes, Draco, please!" she cried as she still rode her high. "Please!" 

Three more thrusts and he was spilling into her, crying out and gripping onto her for dear life. She collapsed on top of his chest, her hair in his face, but they didn't care. For a few moments, everything was fine. Everything was going to be okay. 

"That was amazing," she smiled. "Thank you for that." 

"Always, Hermione. I will always give you anything you desire. If it is in my power, you shall receive it. Mon corps est a toi si tu le veux." 

She hadn't seen this softer side of Draco before. This wasn't a man who was forced to be a Death Eater, or a monster, or any other inhuman creature. It was her love. It was the man he should have gotten the chance to be. He ran his fingers up her spine and just laid there with her, skin on skin, for what felt like ages. 

"Will you do something for me, Hermione?" he asked shyly. His voice was shaken to a false confidence. 

"Anything." 

"When this is over… when this war is over and we've made it to the other side, will you marry me?" 


End file.
